Sometimes She's On

Erin makes me a little bit sad. When she's on, she's fantastic, but she falls away just as quickly. I wish I really knew how to keep her up. It'd be great, but I run out of ideas. She is lonely and desperate. Not desperate for guys or love or anything, just desperate. She lives desperately, which is not a good way to live I don't think. She lives at the mercy of her world, instead of taking charge of it. She ought to move out. She ought to get her Masters. She ought to get a new job. She hasn't done any of those things. I wish that she would do any one of them. It's too bad, really. She is still what she always was for me, even though she shrinks when I see her again. She becomes something smaller than the monumental glyph that exists in my brain associated with her name. The picture of infant Jesus is of a human deity trapped in a tiny body, when by all accounts he was crying, shitting, horrible thing like all babies are. Erin deserves something more. Do all guys always think that they are able to give what everyone needs?

This one goes out to Erin AND AsheeBabeez:


"A Better Son/Daughter" by Rilo Kiley

"Sometimes in the morning I am petrified and can't move
Awake but cannot open my eyes
And the weight is crushing down on my lungs
I know I can't breathe
And hope someone will save me this time
And your mother's still calling you insane and high
Swearing it's different this time
And you tell her to give in to the demons that possess her
And that god never blessed her insides
Then you hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting things
And crawl back into bed to dream of a time
When your heart was open wide and you love things just because
Like the sick and dying

And sometimes when you're on
You're really fucking on
And your friends they sing along
And they love you
But the lows are so extreme
That the good seems fucking cheap
And it teases you for weeks in its absence
But you'll fight and you'll make it through
You'll fake it if you have to
And you'll show up for work with a smile
And you'll be better
You'll be smarter
More grown up and a better daughter or son
And a real good friend
And you'll be awake
You'll be alert
You'll be positive though it hurts
And you'll laugh and embrace all of your friends
And you'll be a real good listener
You'll be honest
You'll be brave
You'll be handsome and you'll be beautiful
You'll be happy

Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
To the cries and the wails of the valley below
Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
And you'll fight it you'll go out fighting all of them"

My Type's Phenotype II

allison stokke

So here is another example of a body type that I am drawn to. Similar to Jessica Biel in general muscularity, though in this case it is due to necessity for her sport, which is pole vaulting. In looking up her name, I've found that she is sort of freaked out about all of the posting of her images online, but well, I don't know how I feel about that. Is it wrong to repost these knowing that she isn't really cool with it in general? If it is, then I'll take these down. Anyways, here she is. Oh, and here is the link to the story about her not liking the proliferation of her visage around the super tube systems

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/28/AR2007052801370.html



By the way, if you just search for her name you'll find an extremely creepy link to a site that claims to have ALL photos of her. I get the impression that it is not her own page, but it still includes like prom photos and personal shots and stuff; facebook and such. Weird.

Celine Dion is Fucking Amazing

A New Year, A New Life

So this is 2008. This figures to be an important year in my life. This is the year that I have to commit. To decide. To finalize my direction at least for a short while. This is the year that many songs speak of (my 23rd birthday is in February). Jimmy Eat World said:

"Amazing still it seems
Ill be 23
I wont always love what I'll never have
I wont always live in my regret"

Rufus Wainwright wisely warns:

"Soaking on the ice, makin' eyes all by myself
Didn't realize you were so top of the shelf
Just you wait and see when you turn, turn 23"

God Lives Underwater reflected in this way:

"I've spent 23 years now
Trying to get by
Other people make it day to day
I still wonder why"

And anyways, even though I used to be too cool for New Year's Resolutions, I thought that maybe that was me being arrogant. In fact, it almost definitely was. An arrogance that I can do without. So I'm doing away with it now. I'm defining some resolutions. Some are awkward and abstract, and some are definite and concrete.


#1) Live more dangerously
I think that everyone probably says this every year, but I think that I really mean it. I want to embarrass myself and be humiliated and feel like an ass. I want that so that I can come out on the other side having survived. I want to ask out girls and get laughed at or slapped. Something dramatic. I want to run farther than I am able, and have to nearly crawl into my house. I want to find myself under an overloaded bar, with no spot. Save myself. Die otherwise. Put myself into danger.


#2) Run 1000 miles
This really isn't as big as it sounds, but I would like to have a documented 1000 mile year under my belt. I'm going to maybe keep tabs here and on coolrunning.com, which has a handy free journal thing that is awesome.

#3) Work out three days or more a week, every week
It isn't about achieving something tremendous. It's about making a positive change, and committing to something healthy and worthwhile. I would like to reclaim my body. Prisoner in my own soft cell.

#4) Make friends; lose friends
I'd like to lose a friend due to honesty. Perhaps there is someone out there that will be offended by some piece of honest assessment and will write me off because of it. I'm okay with that. I'm only okay with it if it is for that reason, though. I need friends with whom I can be straight up, and who can be straight up with me. If that is hard to handle, then so be it. I'd also like to make a friend or two for the same reason as well. Someone who recognizes the truth, and appreciates it.

#5) Eat better
I know how to eat. I know how to eat WELL, that is. I know I should eat 5-7 times a day. I know that I should eat organically and whole. I know that I shouldn't eat out. I know that I shouldn't eat sugar. So here's the deal. I'm going to carry a food log and note down everything that I eat. I'm going to try to eat out 2 times or less every week (there is an almost mandatory restaurant meal on Sundays). I'm going to try to eat the actual amounts of vegetables and fruits that I'm supposed to, and I'm going to try to prepare them myself. Oh, I also want to bake and cook more, instead of quick cooking stuff. I'd like to become a better chef.

That's all for now, I think. I may come up with some other things that I'd like to focus on this year. If I do, I'll post them. I leave you with Tori Amos:

"If I have a heart attack at 23
I'm loving you too much
If I have a heart attack at 23
Wave bye-bye
You'll miss me
You'll miss me baby
If I have a heart attack at 23"

Secret Lover Ia

I picked her up and we started driving towards Tempe. We didn't have any plans, other than to find a bookstore at some point. We drove until we got to Tempe Marketplace, and figured that they have a Barnes & Noble as well as various restaurants and such, so we ought to stop there. We opened Christmas gifts in the car. I gave her some spiked collars for her dogs, as well as a day planner book with pictures of pugs, and a Victoria's Secret gift card (she told me once that she doesn't own ANYTHING from there). She gave me a note that said that she had no idea what book I would want to read, so she was going to buy me whatever book I wanted. That's why she wanted to go to a bookstore.

We went to Tea Infusions, where I had a soy chocolate chai latte, and she had a soy spicy chai latte. Both were delicious. We sipped on them gently as we perused the shelves at B&N. I decided on a collection of Pablo Neruda poetry, since he is maybe my favorite poet. She bought something by the author of White Oleander, because that was one of the few books that she has enjoyed. She also grabbed something called The Dog Walker, which sounded like Sex and the City only with dogs instead of annoying friends. Might be good.

We walked around and looked at the art gallery there, which was actually rather nice, and had some very impressive pieces.

At that point, we drove in to Phoenix/Scottsdale and ate at Red Tomato, which used to be Western Pizza. It was tasty. Not as good as Western Pizza used to be, but not bad at all. A little cold though, I think.

Then I took her home and hung out with her and Mike (her boyfriend) for a while. He had just purchased some new mics, so he handed me a guitar and set up the mics. Stephanie pulled out her violin, and she and I jammed out minor for a little while. That was pretty fun, actually.

I left then.

Not sure.

"White bee, you buzz in my soul, drunk with honey,
and your flight winds in slow spirals of smoke.

I am the one without hope, the word without echoes,
he who lost everything and he who had everything"

White Bee [Abeja Blanca], by Pablo Neruda

Secret Lover I

So I'm about to get dressed and go to Secret Lover's house, where I will present her with the assorted dog-related crap that I got her for Christmas (she loves her smelly ass pugs), as well as the Victoria's Secret gift card. It's going to be a little awkward I think giving her that card in front of her rather prudish boyfriend, but whatever, I can take him. I think that Todd Hoover and the Invisible Teal are going to be at her place recording with her boyfriend who is a music production major. THatIT are pretty good, check them out at invisibleteal.com. Todd is a super nice guy, too. But that's all besides the point. So I think that Secret Lover wants to go to a bookstore. I'm up for anything, as long as I also get food, because I'm super hungry all of a sudden. Okay, that's all for now. I'll update if anything happens of note tonight.

Favorite Sites

usatf.org/routes

Here's the start of a new regular thingy. I'm going to write about some of my favorite sites online. The first is USA Track & Field's "America's Running Routes" page found at usatf.org/routes. With help from a Google Maps feature, you can look up your area with a satellite image or a drawn streets map and plot out the route that you just ran or plan to run. Then it tells you the total distance of that route. This is super helpful for those of us who run but don't own foot pods or gps units that map our routes automatically. I use this page all the time, and I am always telling other runners about it.

I remember back in like 2003 when I was running on a canal in central Phoenix and I had an idea for the exact same feature. I went online looking for the AZ canals website, sort of assuming that they would already have this sort of thing available, since they are always bragging about their Sonoran Trail or whatever that thing is that runners are supposed to follow that moves along the canal for a while. Anywho, I'm glad that someone finally actually designed the damn thing, and I think that there are a few others out there now, too.

“Learn to run when feeling the pain: then push harder.”
-William Sigei

“Great people and great athletes realize early in their lives their destiny, and accept it. Even if they do not consciously realize the how, the where, the what."
-Percy Wells Cerutty

“When I first started running, I was so embarrassed I'd walk when cars passed me. I'd pretend I was looking at the flowers.”
-Joan Benoit Samuelson

Head Groin

I've always wondered, "If the head had a groin, where would it be?"


"The eyes are the groin of the head"

Dwight Shrute

Boring

Is it a sin to be bored? The more I think about it, the more the answer seems to be yes. I mean, with all of what we SHOULD be doing, there seems to be very little reason for us to ever be doing nothing at all. Yet here I sit, making up a crappy blog entry about nothing. I should be running. Or reading. Or basically doing anything at all besides this. I wonder. Wonderrrrrr. Wooooooooooondeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Rockband is pretty fun. I've noticed that my most popular entry is "My Type's Phenotype." You all are perverts. Or I am, considering that I wrote it. But no, forget that, everyone finds that page by searching for Jessica Biel's assorted body parts, so it's only partially my fault. I think that I'm going to take a nap now, because I'm super tired. I don't work tomorrow. My truck was supposed to get picked up by the mechanic today, but it is still here. I hope he gets it after work. His work, that is. I sleep now.

Most Hilarious Christmas Thing

Okay, so in my stocking at my Dad's side of the family was a "Grow An Elf." It's just a dollar store stocking stuffer thing. Basically one of those growing sponges that gets bigger when you get it wet. The funny part would be the hilarious directions on the back of the box. Here are the best parts:

INSTRUCTIONS FOR USE:
Place your grow toy in a large container of room temperature water. Watch how it changes as it transforms up to 600% its size. Remove from water and it will slowly shrink as it dries. Your toy can be grown again and again.
The growth is calculated as a total increase in mass and volume. As your toy grows it may distort in shape. The is part of the fun and will correct when fully grown. The slimy, icky, texture is normal and harmless. Your toy may take up to 10 days to grow completely. Darker color will restore when toy is shrunk back to its original size.

Also, the front of the package makes some hilariously impossible claims, including:

I can get every gift that you need

I know the words to every Christmas Song

I'll wrap all your presents for you

I like how they are totally exploiting the hopefulness of poor children and their equally poor (read: stupid) parents just to sell this piece of crap. My rich family buys these things just to laugh at the poor people who cry when they realize that we bought them all with no intention of actually using their talents to get us gifts and wrap our presents. Oh, by the way, there is a fantastic seal on the front of this thing that says, "The Official Grow Toy," in case you were worried that this wasn't a real deal article.