More and more

Some of my friends have postulated that I have an odd ability to befriend people who will need me in a significant way at some point. Some of my friends consider this a weakness. Some of my friend consider this a strength. Some of my friends probably don't think this is true anyways. I think that I do tend to meet people who are in hard places in life. Or maybe everyone has those hard places, and I just tend to be around when they go down. Whatever. The point is that I seem to always be called on during major crises. I've mentioned before that I love this about my life. It is kind of like being good at a really important job. I don't know, like being a food safety investigator who has never let an outbreak of E. Coli slip by on his watch or something. I mean, the other thing here is that people define crisis in different ways. For some, the crisis is simply whether or not to take a chance on loving someone unexpected. For others, it is whether they are going to be able to survive living with their parents any longer. For others still it is whether they will have a home and their daughter when they leave. I helped Terra move out of her mesa house and away from her raging husband. I packed up her uhaul. I drove to tucson to help unload it. I even slept there and tried to help console her. I tried to convince Heather that it was going to work out (it did). Et cetera et cetera. Et Set Terra. I wonder if it is that people who need me find me, or that people that I need find me. Or maybe that I'm just more aware of people who need help. I don't know. I think that it really comes down to whether I'm here for everyone else, or if they're here for me.

Los Updatos

Okay, real quick:

Told SL what was up, she says that we cannot hang out anymore.
RR texted me today to wish me luck on my first day (at the new job...tomorrow).

Just wanted to make sure I understod.

Siiiiiiigh

I'm getting a little tired of this.

SL has written me yet another long ass myspace message telling me where she stands. As if I didn't already know from the previous four. I'm gonna put a nail in this shit.

What a world or something

Things with RR were oddly casual. There was no reciprocity. She was down on me all the time, but was reticent to receive. Then there was the offer of sex. Too far too fast.

Secret Lover and Savra broke up and Savra moved out. That night, SL came over for dinner and movies. Royal Tenenbaums. When Harry Met Sally. She slept here. I may have had the chance to kiss her. In fact, I have no doubt. But I felt guilty. On the one hand, I was with RR, even though that was rocky and weird. On the other, even if SL and I are to be together, it can't be for a long long time. Like months. Many months. So I didn't want to confuse things this early. I don't want her to feel tied down, because I don't want to be tied down myself.

The next night things with RR got better. It was unexpected. We conciled (the re seems unnecessary). I felt much more connected to her all of a sudden. I am with her.

Now things with SL are weird. Hmm. Game night.

So here's the deal

Was drunk and with phone, so hilarity and destiny ensued.

Roadrunner got some lame dirty texting, which she thought was fun, so no problems. People and their guilt. Makes no sense. Just enjoy your life for a second or two. It's okay, Jesus won't damn you. Or maybe he will, in which case I apologize. My bad.

Secret Lover got the table and all that's on it, which is now everything.

Peace Corps application is officially submitted. Now I shiver with anxious energy for the entire next year, wondering if I'm man enough to do this. Expect a whole new slew of "will she wait?" songs based on SL probably, but don't tell RR that they aren't about her. It's casual, and it's okay that way. We're both invested. We're Jim and Karen, but Pam is still answering phones. Does that make sense? Yes, it does.

The new job starts on the 15th (a Monday). I will do a week or two of training here in Tempe, then may have to relocate to a battleground state until the end of the election. I'm super excited about this.

Leslie is going backpacking forever. I really want to do this, too. I was thinking that maybe when I get back from Peace Corps, if I still don't want to rejoin civilization, I could take the money they give me and go backpacking through Europe or something. I mean, I could also invest the money wisely, but that sucks and doesn't do anything except yield more money. Money is for fools. Or am I going to do that Masters program thing? I forget. Oh well.

Oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit

I think that I've figured it out.

I'm with Roadrunner currently. I mean, not right NOW, but in general.

Secret Lover is breaking up with Savra. We hung out last night and, um, for lack of a better word, cuddled. We drank a bottle of wine. Nothing else happened.

When Secret Lover breaks up with her boy, I will abstain. Demand she have time on her own. I will continue to casually date Roadrunner.

There is too much history with Secret Lover. We can't just date. It's like Jim and Pam. We ARE them. Ha, called it.

The birth of a Nation

I called Miss Jen on Thursday, but she did indeed have plans for Friday.

I remembered how long it had been since I'd seen Secret Lover.
I called Secret Lover. She called me back. She wanted to go to First Friday on the Fourth with me. Anna was already busy.

I call Secret Lover about three hours early. Confirmation.
She is going to be at a party with her boyfriend, but wants an excuse to leave early. This will work.

Her boyfriend drives her to my house. I showed them around the place, and make some small talk. It was mildly awkward, even though I've known him for a while now. He left. She changed into something more comfortable.

We left then.

We parked across the street from the Coronado Hotel and a few gangsta' ass lookin' thugs. We walked to CB/AG and see some of my friends. We walked through various galleries and studios. We finished through Just Breathe, some wellness studio thing. Back to the car we headed.

We drove, hoping to go to Lux, which turned out to be closed due to parade or something. We continued driving.

Drove to Zen/32, a sushi place right near The G Spot. I realized that I can't pass up the chance to say something quick and ironic or with a double meaning even if it doesn't always accurately convey my intentions:

Secret Lover: "You can't go to Peace Corps! You can't leave!"
Me: "It's only two years, no biggie."
SL: "I know, but still!"
Me: "It'll go by quickly. But you can't get married while I'm gone, I won't be able to afford to come back."
SL: "Aww, you'd go to my wedding?"
Me: "I figure I'll be there."

The double meaning is extra vague, which is what made it so tantalizing. Anyways, to continue:

We went in to Zen/32 and realized the immensity that was our collective hunger. Sushi menu. Ordered two vegetarian rolls and one tiger roll (for her). She also ordered a Mocha Jamocho, a hard coffee drink with Tia Rosa and Bailey's and two other things. I tried a sip of it. Tasted like chocolate covered cherries. It was pretty tasty, though the coffee aspect wasn't the greatest. With better dark coffee, it would have been awesome.

We drove a little bit then and saw some fireworks float up above the hill tops in the distance. It was a beautiful night.

I let her out (my inside passenger door handle is broken) and walked her to her front door. We said goodbye and hugged hard.

We spoke about her and her boyfriend. She has doubts, like anyone would. If it was two years ago, I'd push the issue. It's now, and there isn't time. Who has time?

Just Kill It Already

Is it ever appropriate to tell someone else to break up with their (in)significant other? I mean, if they are being beaten or abused, then duh, but I mean just based on the general trials of relationships. I mean, it is sort of arrogant to say, "I've heard one side of this story, and I can make a serious decision based on that." Also, it is foolish to say, "Well, because my similarly based relationship failed and needed to fail, I think that yours should, too." It's hard to tell someone that they should not be with who they are with, even if it seems so obvious to me. So I try not to. I try to lead the person to my own conclusion by laying out what it is that I see from the outside, since they are often blinded by the experience. However, I am aware that they will not always draw the same conclusion, as evidenced by the 30 different understandings obtained by the 30 different people all sitting in the same lecture. I'm not JUST talking about Ash or Adam here, but people in my life in general. Oh, I need to go to Body Positive. Later yo.

Secret Lover pt something IIa

So I picked her up from her place at around 6:40pm. We drove into Tempe and talked about her day and the impending arrival of a new semester. She mentioned that she had never been to California Pizza Kitchen, and since there was one right by the theater, I made the final decision to go there.

She order The Greek pizza, which is like cucumbers, olives, maybe bell peppers, onions, lemon herb vinaigrette, tzatziki, and some other little stuff (and chicken). I had the relatively simple Italian herb and cheese, which is just diced tomatoes for sauce, some cheese, and strips of basil on top. Now, I'm always amazed that a restaurant as expensive as CPK - which isn't prohibitively priced, but certainly more expensive than Olive Garden - could serve such crappy pre-dinner bread. It's cold and flavorless, and more often than not, it's stale as well. They also give it to you with a few sticks of wrapped butter. Make sure to request olive oil and balsamic, but be ready for slightly rancid olive oil.

Anyways, her pizza was pretty good, but it sounded better than it actually tasted. Sort of the same thing for mine. It was obvious that they used canned diced tomatoes, which is an especially stinging insult considering that that means I could have made the EXACT same pizza at home, only entirely organic, for less than half of the menu price. In any case, it wasn't terrible, just disappointing, as it usually is when I stray from their basics. I guess I've never really understood the tremendous hullabaloo regarding CPK. Anyways, she liked her pizza. Had it with a bottle of Newcastle. She's a fine beer kind of girl, I suppose.

Then we went to Tea Infusions, because I wasn't sure if we'd make it out of the movie in time, which was starting in 10 minutes. The guy in front of us was one of those customers that I hate. You come in enough to be a regular, but that doesn't mean that anyone likes you, so stop talking to the staff, and let us order. She got the Tra Que Chai soy latte, which was very good, and I ordered the Creme Brulee (tea) soy latte. After the gave SL her drink, the extraordinarily beautiful girl behind the counter said "And what were you waiting for?" I told her, and she spun off real quick and said "I'm not sure if I made that yet." Of course, the movie was starting in like three minutes at this point, but I sort of wanted my tea latte, so we chilled. About 2 minutes later she handed me a cup, and I could see the tea bag hanging out the side, which means that she made me just a plain Creme Brulee tea, not a latte. I didn't REALLY mind, and we were late, so I just took it and said thank you. That tea was actually pretty bad though, I don't recommend it. It might've been pretty good as a latte, but whatever.

We met her friend Kathryn in the theater, who was only in charge of procuring seats, which she did with an amazing lack of aplomb. In a theater that was hardly full, she managed to find three seats wedged in between two other groups of people. There were a hundred other three seat options in that theater, but I guess she was comfortable where she sat.

The movie (Juno) was good. I actually liked it more the second time through, so I suggest re-seeing it for anyone who only saw it once.

Afterwards, we walked Kathryn to her car, then we drove to SL's house to hang out and record with her boyfriend, Sav. Sav set me up with two condensers, and a music stand for the lyrics that I posted earlier. We recorded me just screwing around for a while, so that my hands could get a little warmed up, and he could mess with levels.
Then I recorded that song. Sort of quietly, since it was late, and I was pretty sure that SL's sister and her new husband were trying to sleep. So basically, I just didn't belt it. It came out okay, but since I was singing into the same mic that was aimed at the sound hole of my guitar, my voice sounded a little faint or distant. That's fine though, this wasn't going to be some big fancy recording. I just wanted to do it to show Chris and LT the idea for the song, and the sort of quality of recording that we could expect from Savra.

Like I said, after he sends me the mp3, and I figure out how to embed it, I'll post it up for listening. Or maybe I'll just email it to friends. We'll see.

Um. What else?

Oh.

So then she walked me out and said that she liked my song. I said thanks, and that I'd see her later. She said, "Yeah, on Tuesday when you're sitting with me in class," which reminded me that class does indeed start next week. I affirmed her statement, but suggested that we hang out again before that.

Anyways, that's all, I need to go to work now. Good morning.

Secret Lover pt something II

We ate at CPK
Got bad tea
Watched Juno
I recorded with Mike
I will post the song when I figure out how to embed mp3s
Bigger entry later
nightie night

Secret Lover pt something

I'm going to the movies with Secret Lover tonight. We are going to see Juno, which I've already seen (but she doesn't know that). So the plan is that I will pick her up from her place and we are going to go eat or drink or something before the movie. Then, after the movie, we're going back to her house and I'm going to record a song with Mike, her live-in boyfriend. He is majoring in electronic music and music production so he has some decent equipment, and he actually knows how to use it. I'm going to be trying to finish this song, but if I can't came to a close on it, I'll just cover something. Any suggestions on what I might cover?

"dirt and water salvation" by Me

desperate petals
float on gentle winds
please find their stems

roses frozen in snow
outline porcelain repose
don't think anybody knows

the earth breaths him in
dirt and water; salvation
set free by his sin
can we do this all over again?

did anybody hear
secret cries for help?

did anybody smell
skin melting away?

the earth breaths him in
dirt and water; salvation
set free by his sin
can we do this all over again?

Secret Lover Ia

I picked her up and we started driving towards Tempe. We didn't have any plans, other than to find a bookstore at some point. We drove until we got to Tempe Marketplace, and figured that they have a Barnes & Noble as well as various restaurants and such, so we ought to stop there. We opened Christmas gifts in the car. I gave her some spiked collars for her dogs, as well as a day planner book with pictures of pugs, and a Victoria's Secret gift card (she told me once that she doesn't own ANYTHING from there). She gave me a note that said that she had no idea what book I would want to read, so she was going to buy me whatever book I wanted. That's why she wanted to go to a bookstore.

We went to Tea Infusions, where I had a soy chocolate chai latte, and she had a soy spicy chai latte. Both were delicious. We sipped on them gently as we perused the shelves at B&N. I decided on a collection of Pablo Neruda poetry, since he is maybe my favorite poet. She bought something by the author of White Oleander, because that was one of the few books that she has enjoyed. She also grabbed something called The Dog Walker, which sounded like Sex and the City only with dogs instead of annoying friends. Might be good.

We walked around and looked at the art gallery there, which was actually rather nice, and had some very impressive pieces.

At that point, we drove in to Phoenix/Scottsdale and ate at Red Tomato, which used to be Western Pizza. It was tasty. Not as good as Western Pizza used to be, but not bad at all. A little cold though, I think.

Then I took her home and hung out with her and Mike (her boyfriend) for a while. He had just purchased some new mics, so he handed me a guitar and set up the mics. Stephanie pulled out her violin, and she and I jammed out minor for a little while. That was pretty fun, actually.

I left then.

Not sure.

"White bee, you buzz in my soul, drunk with honey,
and your flight winds in slow spirals of smoke.

I am the one without hope, the word without echoes,
he who lost everything and he who had everything"

White Bee [Abeja Blanca], by Pablo Neruda

Secret Lover I

So I'm about to get dressed and go to Secret Lover's house, where I will present her with the assorted dog-related crap that I got her for Christmas (she loves her smelly ass pugs), as well as the Victoria's Secret gift card. It's going to be a little awkward I think giving her that card in front of her rather prudish boyfriend, but whatever, I can take him. I think that Todd Hoover and the Invisible Teal are going to be at her place recording with her boyfriend who is a music production major. THatIT are pretty good, check them out at invisibleteal.com. Todd is a super nice guy, too. But that's all besides the point. So I think that Secret Lover wants to go to a bookstore. I'm up for anything, as long as I also get food, because I'm super hungry all of a sudden. Okay, that's all for now. I'll update if anything happens of note tonight.