A Peek Into My Brain

So here's how my brain works:

I went after class to American Eagle at the new mall they built right near my house. I went to AE because Erica works there as a stock supervisor, and I wanted to try on a pair of pants.

I walk into the store and am not greeted. At all. I spend about 10 or 12 minutes browsing aimlessly with not a single person even attempting to approach me to help. I spend another three minutes becoming aware of the fact that there isn't a single pair of 36X30 pants anywhere in the store. I grab a random pair of the pants that I'd like to try on and approach what turned out to be the store manager. She confirms that they do not carry that size (though they do carry 36X32, and 34X30). I then ask her if I could try on a particular pair in 36Xanything. She agrees:

Manager: "Erica, can you bring me a pair of pants..."
Me: "Is that Erica ****??? Tell her Nathan says hi"
Manager: "Mumbly bumblies...Nathan...mumblerz...she says that she'll be right out"

So I walk around a little bit and took a bunch of stuff. Erica comes walking out with a couple pairs. She has a nose ring javascript:void(0)that I've never noticed before:

Erica: "Hey!"
Me: "Hey! I've never noticed your nose ring before"
Erica: "Oh yeah, I actually just got it yesterday"
Me: "Oh, I like it...it looks good"
Erica: "Thanks" *looks over shoulder*
Me: "Are you busy?"
Erica: "Sort of, we got a huge shipment of boxes today, and my personal goal is to get them all in stock tonight."
Me: "Oh, okay" *discouraged, for some reason* "Well, can I ask you something real quick?" *intending to ask her out*
Erica: "Yeah, what's up?" *hint of excitement? maybe*
Me: *suddenly anxious* "What did we do today? I missed class. Did I miss anything important?" *ashamed, maybe noticeable physically*
Erica: *something* "Oh, no, there was a presentation"
Me: "a FOOD presentation?!" *realize that makes me sound pathetically addicted to food* "What region??"
Erica: "Indonesia"
Me: *legitimately surprised* "Oh...I guess that's cool"
Erica: "Yeah, it was alright...alot of cinnamon though" *disgusted face*
Me: "I love cinnamon!" *realize that this isn't even necessarily true; want to kill self for idiocy*
Erica: "Eh, it's okay, but there was just so much of it"
Me: "Ah, thaz no good" *why the hell did I just say "thaz"???*
Erica: "Yeah, okay, so do you need a dressing room?"
Me: "Yeah" *no*
Erica: "Well, it was nice that you came in! I'll see you"
Me: "Mumble mumble, byeeee" *I'm an idiot*

I then actually do try on the pants. Surprisingly, the 36X32 actually fits really well, even lengthwise. Weird.

I walk out of the dressing room area then with the two pairs folded up in my arms, and I see Erica with her purse on her shoulder standing at a computer with her manager standing next to her.

*Is she trying to get out of here before I get out of the dressing room?*

Erica: "Hey, how'd they fit?"
Me: "Actually really well"
Erica: "Really?!"
Me: "Yeah, I was surprised"
Erica: "Hmm...so you coming in reminded me that I need to go on my lunch" *is she suggesting that I go on her break with her?*
Me: "Oh, okay..." *notice manager standing awkwardly next to me*
Erica: "You can buy those over at that register if you want"
Me: "Oh, okay"
Erica's manager: "I'll walk you out" *did Erica just get escorted away from me? Maybe she told her manager that i'm creepy and to help her get out of there before I started talking to her again*

I then say bye and don't see quite exactly where she went. I stand in line for a few minutes, and then end up just handing the pants to the register girl and walking away.

I figure that maybe Erica wanted to get away from me. Who knows though, until I get home and get this message on Facebook:

"It's cool you came in. I was going to take my lunch (which I totally forgot about) and stick around so I didn't seem so hectic, but my boss shooed me out. So I just went and got pierced. But yeah, you didn't miss anything in class. Just a presentation really."

Which makes sense, because she went across the way to Icing, which is like wannabe richer Claire's. I'm stuck on this part:

"I was going to take my lunch (which I totally forgot about) and stick around so I didn't seem so hectic, but my boss shooed me out."

Doesn't that mean that she took her lunch with the intention of hanging out with me? Am I totally off base on this? Was the boss a nuisance to both of us? By the way, the boss was a girl, not a guy.

Let me know.

A Loving Universe Is Not Enough

Acknowledgment of a loving universe is not always enough. Especially when that acknowledgment is a hidden denial of the necessity for human experience. I am a physically dependent person with an addictive family history. I am addicted to physical connection, if not emotional ones as well. However, at the moment, I am concerned with the scarcity of contact in my world. I have a feeling that I probably worry some friends (female) with the frequency and duration of physical contact that I seek from them. I hug hello. I hug goodbye. In between, I sneak little bits of skin; just enough to satiate me, and keep me alive. I hope that they don't always perceive this as a come on, as it only very rarely is. I am Superman, and the sun is touch. I feel that the bags under my eyes swell and droop and reveal my facial bones. The sadness is obvious in my brow, and I think my hands begin to shake. This must be apparent to others. I have come to believe that I would lay in a bed with just about any person, provided they were warm and assured.

Rich Girl

I think that I'll start writing about Lauren as Rich Girl, because that's what people in my real life know her as.

I'm going to go to Green (vegan restaurant) with her this Friday. I don't think that it's a date, but I guess we'll see.

Ha, that's all I can say for now. I have to go to class now. Bye!

Erica

I went and saw Erica at American Eagle tonight. Just sort of to see her, I suppose. She works as a stock supervisor, and they happen to not carry ANY pair of pants in their store in my size (36X30). As it turns out, their 36X32 actually fits me. Anywho, she looked really good, and wasn't as tall as I had pictured. I may actually ask her out next week in class. We'll see. Did I ever make an entry about her? Oh, well, maybe I'll do that later.

3D tattoo test drive

http://gizmodo.com/gadgets/test-drive-your-tattoo/cg-tattoo-program-allows-you-to-try-it-before-you-buy-it-322938.php

GTIII update

So I'm up to the battle against the devil on expert. It's "Devil Went Down To Georgia," but all the parts are redone in a hard rock style. It's hard. Like way hard. After I beat that, I will have officially unlocked "Through the Fire and Flames" by Dragonforce, but really, Louis already cheat coded it open. I can beat it on Hard, and we beat it on a Hard/Medium co-op. But expert is way harder. I think that I can conceivably finish it as soon as I can just get past the intro, which is deceptively hard. I've so far only made it 3%, but that's almost the entire intro, so once I get that shit done, I think that I'll be able to survive the rest of the song, even though the solos are harder than hell. We'll see.

More on Duffy

Here's the dilly (this was a comment response, but it was long enough to warrant its own entry):

Todd is the manager. He lives with his girlfriend Debra.

Duffy is a supervisor. She and Todd began working at the Bean at the same general time years ago, and Todd brought her with him when he was given his own store to manage.

I suspect that she secretly loves him. Other people also suspect this, others say that they are just really good friends. Todd would never make a move, I don't think.

In the end, honestly, I could lose this job and not lose much. If it was THAT awkward, I could quit, and find another job that paid as well, or I could even transfer stores or something.

Now, I'm not saying that I'd be willing to risk my livelihood for the love of the Duffster or whatever, but should the POSSIBLE FUTURE awkwardness deter me from experiencing something in the PRESENT?

Portal Song

This was a triumph.
I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS.
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.
Aperture Science
We do what we must
because we can.
For the good of all of us.
Except the ones who are dead.
But there's no sense crying over every mistake.
You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.
And the Science gets done.
And you make a neat gun.
For the people who are still alive.
I'm not even angry.
I'm being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart.
And killed me.
And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you!
Now these points of data make a beautiful line.
And we're out of beta.
We're releasing on time.
So I'm GLaD. I got burned.
Think of all the things we learned
for the people who are still alive.
Go ahead and leave me.
I think I prefer to stay inside.
Maybe you'll find someone else to help you.
Maybe Black Mesa
THAT WAS A JOKE.
HAHA. FAT CHANCE.
Anyway, this cake is great.
It's so delicious and moist.
Look at me still talking
when there's Science to do.
When I look out there, it makes me GLaD I'm not you.
I've experiments to run.
There is research to be done.
On the people who are still alive.
And believe me I am still alive.
I'm doing Science and I'm still alive.
I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive.
While you're dying I'll be still alive.
And when you're dead I will be still alive.
STILL ALIVE (x2)

Duffy

So I work with Duffy. She is one of the supervisors. I can't tell, but I'm pretty sure we've been flirting.

I didn't like her a whole lot while I was a customer, honestly. I mean, I didn't DISlike her, but she wasn't my favorite girl there.

I think that she secretly loves our manager Todd. This used to worry me, but then I remembered how many people I secretly love, so I don't hold it against her anymore.

Is it weird to date someone you work with? Leave comments

“Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking,
Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making.”

-Leanne Womack

I H8 Louis

Louis just broke the internetz. I'm stealing the neighbor's. I h8 Louis.