Ron Marchini Facts

30 Ron Marchini Facts You Might Not Know
(adapted from 30 Chuck Norris Facts You Might Not Know)

1. Ron Marchini's tears cause cancer.

2. When Ron Marchini plays Oregon Trail his family dies from cholera or dysentery. He also requires no wagon, since he sends the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat through a transporter using a crystal. He never makes it to Oregon before you.

3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Ron Marchini instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he realized he could not, and was birthed normally.

4. Ron Marchini recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. He then added ninjas and an un-intimidating enemy to this idea and made a movie out of it.

5. Ron Marchini built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Ron Marchini rode away on his motorcycle, instinctively dodging the bullets. JFK was murdered.

6. Ron Marchini's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He did not know the answer.

7. Ron Marchini sold his soul to the devil for his unparalleled martial arts ability and "Special Police" hat. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Ron Marchini roundhouse kicked the devil in the face. The devil, who was angry, killed Ron Marchini. Ron Marchini now languishes in torment for eternity.

8. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer, Ron Marchini smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer. He suffered tremendously every day until the day of his death.

9. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. Ron Marchini thought this sounded like a good movie idea.

10. Ron Marchini is a nice person.

11. Ron Marchini lives by only one rule: Treat others as you would like to be treated.

12. When Ron Marchini's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Ron said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He silently cursed her, because he was pretty selfish, and really wanted some turkey.

13. Ron Marchini once rode on an airplane.

14. A man once asked Ron Marchini if his real name is "Ronald". Ron Marchini acknowledged that it was, and that that at the end of his movies, he is credited as Ronald L. Marchini.

15. Ron Marchini sleeps for about 8 hours a night.

16. Ron Marchini can make a woman climax if he lucks into her G Spot and then rocks the clit for a little while.

17. Ron Marchini once went to a frat party, and was asked to leave because he was not welcome there.

18. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Ron Marchini cries and wishes he were Chuck Norris.

19. Ron Marchini is a virgin.

20. Ron Marchini asked Conan O'Brien if he wanted to use clips from his movies on his shows. He suggested maybe every time Conan pulled a lever that a clip played. Conan considered the idea, but respectfully declined because he already did that with Chuck Norris clips.

21. The chief export of Ron Marchini is excrement.

22. Ron Marchini doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. He in fact has very low levels of these cells. Doctors are worried that he may have HIV.

23. Ron Marchini frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can practice the fundamentals. He then uses these fundamentals in his pulse-regulating movies.

24. Ron Marchini once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to make him a Western Burger. He even tried calling 911 to get the police that force them to make it for him. This did not happen.

25. One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris. Ron Marchini is unaware of this.

26. Ron Marchini punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact change. He was arrested and charged with sexual assault and now his neighbors get a letter everytime he moves into a new neighborhood.

27. Ron Marchini is currently suing NBC, claiming that they owe him money. NBC is not sure who Ron Marchini is.

28. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Ron Marchini. His reasoning? It was more "sensical".

29. If you can see Ron Marchini you must be watching one of his movies. You may be only seconds away from death.

30. Ron Marchini ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who just bought one. When they start crying Ron Marchini says, "Oh geez, I'm sooooo so sorry" and offers to buy them ice cream.


So as you can see, Ron Marchini is way more interesting than Chuck Norris.

200!

200 individual hosts! Nice. I'm sort of impressed with myself. Or google. Or something. They all seem to look at the same two posts, lol, which are "My Type's Phenotype" and "Celebrities I Love," because most of them are STILL searching for "Jessica Biel's [butt, boobs, sixpack, muscles, legs, waist, etc etc]" or "side boob." I always knew that I was right about side boob being the hottest thing possible, and I guess that this is just vindication for me. I feel like Ron Marchini. There's no stopping me now. I bet that I get 200 more hits tonight just from my mention of "Ron Marchini," the next internet sensation a la Evolution of Dance, or more appropriately, Chuck Norris Myths. Uh oh, I feel a new post.

Consumerism; Sentimentality

How do we come to attach such strong emotions to mere objects? How is it exactly that we invest memories in THINGS? It seems like maybe our brains are not contained by the skulls that surround them. Rather, they extend into the environment all around us, and they deposit information into whatever is near. It would follow then that the things that are nearest us most often would hold the largest and richest wealths of our experiences.

My truck is officially dead. It needs about $2000 worth of work, which I cannot afford. It's also not really worth $2000 as a vehicle anyways. That's what's called being totaled. Despite my best attempts to not become attached to the things that I own and buy, I have a major attachment to the truck. I keep trying to justify this by remembering all the specific moments in it: learning to drive stick, driving to the darkest spot on the interstate with Julee, finding various trailheads, it getting stolen four times and always finding its way back to me, et cetera. But these seem like veils. This truck is a connection to something for me. My past, maybe? It occurred to me recently that for the first time in my life, I can remember 10 years ago. That scared me. Then the phrase "He didn't make it, not everyone makes it through" came into my head (that phrase comes into my mind all the time). Then I realized that it is likely that there will come a time in my life that I will have lost all of the things that remind me of my childhood or adolescence. That is a sad thought. All of the physical reminders of an important part of my life gone? Where do they all go? Do we just not notice as they leave us, since they generally leave us one at a time?

With the departure of my truck (Birdie), I anticipate perhaps the arrival of a new vehicle. I'm excited about the possible change, but I feel like I'm turning my back on an old friend. The truck is fixable, after all. I just can't afford it. It's going to the scrapyard most likely. It's going to end up a thousand different pieces in a thousand different cars. That's a thousand pieces of me spread around the world in the most cruel and random of ways. Should I worry that I'm losing memories?

“I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.”
-Stephen Wright

“The will is never free -- it is always attached to an object, a purpose. It is simply the engine in the car -- it can't steer.”
-Joyce Cary

“Without struggle, no progress and no result. Every breaking of habit produces a change in the machine.”
-George Gurdjieff

“I think that it's possible to study human intelligence, to know what it's made up of, to break it down into modules in a sense, and then -- little by little -- to build those modules into machines.”
-Justine Cassell

On Why I'm So Manly

Adam picked me up around 11:40 or so and we went to GETINTHEZONEAUTOZONE, then he dropped me off at my truck, which was sitting in a pile of its own shame in the Pei Wei parking lot. I replaced the fuel filter, but that didn't fix it, so I called the shop and had them send a tow truck. Blah blah blah, now here is why I am manly:

I wore my fake Dickies Jacket, which still has some cologne on it from the last time I used it. Then, I got gasoline smell all over me from changing the fuel filter. THEN, I got into the tow truck and the driver smoked. So I am a combination smell of cologne, gasoline, and cigarettes. How sexy is THAT?

“Smell that! That's gasoline you smell in there. You can't buy any perfume in the world that smells as sweet.”

William K. Whiteford

New Battery

http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2008/january9/nanowire-010908.html

Researcher dude designs new battery with 10 times the capacity of Li-Ion batteries. Also, his design doesn't degrade like Li-Ion batteries do. This is awesome. It changes quite a lot, and makes completely battery powered cars a very real possibility. However, as noted on Towleroad, where I found the article, American legislators will probably try to block this amazing invention here in order to benefit big oil and US automakers. Kind of like the electric car that mysteriously disappeared a few years back that showed immense levels of promise. Who DID kill the electric car? Ted Kennedy, that's who. Actually, I have no idea. But it probably WAS him. I'll bet he drove it off a bridge somewhere.

“I think this adenovirus technology is like the electric car. We all know that sooner or later we will drive an electric car. The technology just isn't quite there yet. But soon we will all be driving one.”

Andrea Gambotto

How Many 5yr Olds Could YOU Beat Up?

29

Looking for payday loans?

Nice site. Credit to Arjewtino (arjewtino.blogspot.com) for the find.

“A young and vital child knows no limit to his own will, and it is the only reality to him. It is not that he wants at the outset to fight other wills, but that they simply do not exist for him. Like the artist, he goes forth to the work of creation, gloriously alone.”

Jane Harrison

A Broken Engine

I left the church around 8:30, maybe later. I went straight to the gas station so that I could get that damn fuel light to stop bothering me. Forty dollars. Pei Wei was still open, so I called in an order for most delicious Honey Seared Tofu on Brown Rice, and two Spring Rolls. Ten dollars. I return to my truck, my baby. The food sits patiently in the passenger seat waiting for my attention. I turn the key, hoping to head home. The engine turns over, chokes, dies. I turn the key again. Turn, choke, die. I turn it again, and press some gas. Turn, choke, die. The pedal didn't activate any response. No gas is flowing. I know I have gas. The gas cap is on. Sounds like a fuel filter. Adam took me home, because Louis was asleep. I am home now, no vehicle and no food (I ate the spring rolls while waiting for Adam, and the tofu when I got home). I ate my last bread and fruit yesterday for breakfast. Said I'd go shopping that day. Never did. I have shopping to do. Christmas as well. Anyways, I need a ride to GetInTheZoneAutoZone to pick up a new filter, and then a ride to my truck. They can leave me there. I'll replace it, and hopefully that will work. If it doesn't, I'll call Adam again, and have the truck towed to Sun Devil Auto. I miss my baby.

“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Dexedrine/Food Interactions

From Food Medication Interactions 14th Edition:

pg119
Dexedrine ANTI-ADHD, ANTINARCOLEPSY See lising for Amphetamines p 37

Amphetamines
Adderall/Adderall XR (dextroamphetamine & amphetamine)
Adderall (Tab- sucrose, lactose, cornstarch)
Adderall XR (Cap- sugar spheres [sucrose & starch], Kosher gelatin)
Dexedrine (dextroamphetamine Spansule (SR)-cetyal alcohol, sugar spheres [sucrose & starch] Tab- lactose, starch, sucrose, mineral oil, tartrazine

ANTI-ADHD, ANTINARCOLEPSY, Appetite Depressant, CNS Stimulant
Drug: Swallow SR form whole early in the day. As anorectic, take 1/2-1 hr before meals. For other uses (eg ADHD) take with or after meal.
Diet: Limit caffeine, see p 442. (pg 442 is a listing of caffeine amounts in common caffeinated drinks) Avoid high dose Vitamin C. Acidifying agents decrease absorption, increase excretion, & decrease half life of the drug. Alkalinizing agents (eg Na Bicarbonate, CaCO3, antacids) increase absorption, decrease excretion, & increase half life. As an anorectic, low calorie diet is essential.
Nutr: (This section is hard to explain without having the actual book in hand, and it doesn't mention anything pertinent to this post, so I'm leaving it out)
Oral/GI: Dry Mouth, metallic taste, stomach pain/cramps, nausea, diarrhea, constipation.
Special Conditions: Avoid alcohol. Not with lactation. Caution with hypertension. May be habit forming. Caution with seizures. Caution with geriatric.
Pregnancy: Category C (Category C is the FDA pregnancy category relating to this drug. Cat C specifically means that animal studies have shown adverse effects on fetus, but there are no controlled studies in women. Drugs in this category are given only if potential justifies risk to fetus)
Other: Palpitations, restlessness, tremor, increased blood pressure, nervousness, chills, dizziness, insomnia, blurred vision, tachycardia, headache, increased sweating, motor or verbal tics, euphoria, diskinesia, over stimulation.
Blood/Serum: Increased corticosteroids, Increased T4 with heavy use.
Urinary: False steroid results.
Monitor: Blood pressure. Children's growth.



Okay, so as you can see, it doesn't say anywhere "No Fruit Juice." It DOES say to avoid things with high vitamin C, and implies that you should avoid acidifying agents. This means that there are certain juices you should avoid completely (probably like Orange Juice, and most citrus juices), but there ARE others that are conceivable choices. Most fruit does have high vitamin C content, but some are not super crazy. Don't just go out and buy these, but look into blueberry juice, pomegranate juice, and cranberry juice as possible safe alternatives. I am going to have to find a different text before I can say for certain what would be safe for use, but feel free to do your own research on those three as well as any others that you think may be possible choices.

Leon Reid IV

http://www.leonthe4th.com/

This dude is cool. He does public art in a variety of ways, including stealing street lamps and sign posts and stuff, bending them or adding to them or whatever, then reinstalling them. Dope.

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