Something less serious, more gratuitous

So here is the best part of the most famous Halloween episode of 7th Heaven. The part where Jessica Biel dances around the house in a shirt and panties (actually, the insinuate that she is not wearing any panties, because when she gets in the bath they only show her shirt hit the floor). I'm not ONLY posting this to exploit people searching Google for various things jessica biel, but also because I remember this episode vividly. This was when I OFFICIALLY switched allegiances from that Lucy chick to jessica biel's character, whatever her name was (at the time of this airing, I was closer in age to Lucy than to biel's character, so it wasn't pervy). Oh, and note to girls: shirt and panties is the hottest possible combination ever, even if the shirt is ridiculous, or maybe especially if it is. Oh, and by the way, is the weird pumpkin carver played by Stephen Seagal?

Secret Lover pt something

I'm going to the movies with Secret Lover tonight. We are going to see Juno, which I've already seen (but she doesn't know that). So the plan is that I will pick her up from her place and we are going to go eat or drink or something before the movie. Then, after the movie, we're going back to her house and I'm going to record a song with Mike, her live-in boyfriend. He is majoring in electronic music and music production so he has some decent equipment, and he actually knows how to use it. I'm going to be trying to finish this song, but if I can't came to a close on it, I'll just cover something. Any suggestions on what I might cover?

"dirt and water salvation" by Me

desperate petals
float on gentle winds
please find their stems

roses frozen in snow
outline porcelain repose
don't think anybody knows

the earth breaths him in
dirt and water; salvation
set free by his sin
can we do this all over again?

did anybody hear
secret cries for help?

did anybody smell
skin melting away?

the earth breaths him in
dirt and water; salvation
set free by his sin
can we do this all over again?

Her Legs Grow

This next weekend is the Half Marathon. That's 13.1 miles through Phoenix and a little bit of Tempe. This post isn't really about running, though. It's about Julee.

I spoke to her on the phone this morning about how we're going to work this weekend out. The expo is on Saturday, and that is where you go to get all final registration stuff and race number and all that. There are also vendor booths and free stuff and whatnot. It's a lot of fun, actually. I went with her last year when she ran the full marathon, and we said that we'll go together this year since parking is a bitch and we're both doing it anyways. So that's Saturday. I think that on Sunday we'll probably drive to the race together, too.

Speaking to her on the phone is weird, still. I mean, it's hard for me to deny that I still have feelings for her. She is perhaps THE most intelligent girl that I've ever known (sorry Ash and others), which is tremendously appealing to me. I recently had a conversation with Ambuler about how it's hard for me to find girls that I can really talk to (I can listen to anyone, but it's hard to find someone who can actually listen back). Now, those of you who have been around for a year or more may remember that I became disconcerted by the fact that I didn't talk to Julee. Paul died, and I didn't call my girlfriend. I called someone else. I felt like I couldn't speak to her about stuff like that. Now that we're just friends though, I am able to talk to her about more things, so it's like the one MAJOR issue in the relationship has been worked out. That makes it difficult for me for what I would think are obvious reasons.

It is sort of evident to me that she has the same problems with guys that I have with girls. She cannot find guys who are smart enough to talk to her and listen to her. She knows though that I am that guy. That's why she wants us to remain friends, I think. So that she has more than just girls in her life, because she doesn't even really like girls, I don't think.

Is it arrogant to assume that she still harbors secret feelings for me? If she holds valuable the same things that she used to, then there is no way that she doesn't. Or is that the flaw of the ex? To always assume that they are still wanted? Hmmm.

So anyways, here're the main points:

1) Julee and I are essentially spending the whole weekend together
2) We will be in more or less vulnerable/embarrassing situations that generally render one overly emotional
3) I obviously still have feelings for her
4) Am I afraid of the word "love"?
5) I am worried that she'll ask me to get back with her or something after the race
6) Aren't these the same things that I wondered about when we met for coffee months ago?
7) I wonder if I'm somehow thinking with the wrong part of my body (head vs heart, you perverts)?


I guess I don't really know what the hell is going on. Oh, and just to add to her litany of confusing actions, Duffy rolled her eyes in frustration when she walked in on me talking to Ambuler about hanging out with Julee this weekend.

I think that I'd like to hook up with one or two girls at least before getting seriously considering getting back with Juju. I mean, if I didn't, then this whole time off would have been a stupid pointless lie. Someone stop me.

I think that honestly if I manage to get back into shape, I will want her less. Does that make sense? I am also making the possibly erroneous assumption that after I lost some weight I'll be better able to meet other girls, so that must be related somehow. I don't know, like I said, someone stop me.

"Your Legs Grow" by Nada Surf

If you were here
baby we'd increase the dose
there was no fear
in my room when we got close
call me anytime you've got a ghost

you're the only person in the world
i feel that way about
and if you move off to the side
i'll get swept back out
where it's cold but not that deep
cuz your legs grow
cold but not that deep
cuz your legs grow

there's a light that rises up
from the bottom of the lake
and its beam has hit me hard
now i'm wide awake
where it's cold but not that deep
cuz your legs grow
cold but not that deep
cuz your legs grow

if you were here
baby we'd increase the dose
there was no fear
in my room when we got close
call me anytime you've got a ghost

Semantics?

What's the difference between revenge and justice?

Celebrities Doing Stupid Crap In Front of Paparazzi pt I

So everyone has been posting these pictures of Jennifer Aniston on vacation with Courteney Cox. It's basically the both of them wearing trampy bikinis and sitting around. Pretty boring really, but I guess if you're a stalker you love this kind of shit. But my point is why do celebrities do ridiculous things in front of paparazzi? Here's a shot of Jennifer Aniston, and one of Courteney Cox's totally not sexy ass crack:





Are they legitimately unaware of paparazzi constantly taking their picture, or are they intentionally slutting up their pictures so as to get themselves back into relevance?

Here is Lindsay Lohan getting her ass felt up by some skeevy Italian guy who is also apparently unzipping his pants. This looks like it was taken by one of his buddies who now has a few bucks in his pocket:



Oh, and just for fun, here is a hilarious picture of Sarah Michelle Gellar and I think that Freddie Prinze, Jr guy. She literally fell on like a three inch wave, so the intensity of her facial expression is way out of hand.







btw, I got most of these from What Would Tyler Durden Do?

Ambuler

Ambuler is one of my supervisors at work. She lives with her boyfriend "Don" who is a nice guy, but pretty flawed in a few ways that she is well aware of. She is young though, and also knows that. I've been trying to convince her to go back to school ever since I started working with her (she has her GED, but never attended any college at all), and she finally did it. She texted me today, here's how it went:

Ambuler: "Im enrolld"
Me: "Awesome!!! What are you taking?"
Ambuler: "Math and eng"
Me: "Good. I'm proud :o) now we're like school buddies."
Ambuler: "Lol. ur a dork."
Me: "Lol, whatever, i'm still proud/excited"
Ambuler: "Thank u."
Ambuler: "That means alot. i wish there was more ppl in the world like u"
Me: "Well, there aren't, so cherish me while i'm still here."

Was that a dick thing to say? I don't think so, because I would have said that if she were talking TO me about someone ELSE, so I think that I was being honest. I've lost people already in my life, as has she, so I think that it is okay for me to say that to her. I'm serious about it, too. I think that if she really feels that way, then maybe she should be aware of the rarity, and appreciate it. Anyways, maybe i'm just a dickhead.

Ambuler is really very beautiful, though I must admit that I think of her beauty in a different way than everyone else, for the most part. She has a family history of modeling, and has even done some on her own. She is also built like a model, which is something you either have or not. Anyways, I like Ambuler, she's the shit.

Sometimes She's On

Erin makes me a little bit sad. When she's on, she's fantastic, but she falls away just as quickly. I wish I really knew how to keep her up. It'd be great, but I run out of ideas. She is lonely and desperate. Not desperate for guys or love or anything, just desperate. She lives desperately, which is not a good way to live I don't think. She lives at the mercy of her world, instead of taking charge of it. She ought to move out. She ought to get her Masters. She ought to get a new job. She hasn't done any of those things. I wish that she would do any one of them. It's too bad, really. She is still what she always was for me, even though she shrinks when I see her again. She becomes something smaller than the monumental glyph that exists in my brain associated with her name. The picture of infant Jesus is of a human deity trapped in a tiny body, when by all accounts he was crying, shitting, horrible thing like all babies are. Erin deserves something more. Do all guys always think that they are able to give what everyone needs?

This one goes out to Erin AND AsheeBabeez:


"A Better Son/Daughter" by Rilo Kiley

"Sometimes in the morning I am petrified and can't move
Awake but cannot open my eyes
And the weight is crushing down on my lungs
I know I can't breathe
And hope someone will save me this time
And your mother's still calling you insane and high
Swearing it's different this time
And you tell her to give in to the demons that possess her
And that god never blessed her insides
Then you hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting things
And crawl back into bed to dream of a time
When your heart was open wide and you love things just because
Like the sick and dying

And sometimes when you're on
You're really fucking on
And your friends they sing along
And they love you
But the lows are so extreme
That the good seems fucking cheap
And it teases you for weeks in its absence
But you'll fight and you'll make it through
You'll fake it if you have to
And you'll show up for work with a smile
And you'll be better
You'll be smarter
More grown up and a better daughter or son
And a real good friend
And you'll be awake
You'll be alert
You'll be positive though it hurts
And you'll laugh and embrace all of your friends
And you'll be a real good listener
You'll be honest
You'll be brave
You'll be handsome and you'll be beautiful
You'll be happy

Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
To the cries and the wails of the valley below
Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
And you'll fight it you'll go out fighting all of them"

My Type's Phenotype II

allison stokke

So here is another example of a body type that I am drawn to. Similar to Jessica Biel in general muscularity, though in this case it is due to necessity for her sport, which is pole vaulting. In looking up her name, I've found that she is sort of freaked out about all of the posting of her images online, but well, I don't know how I feel about that. Is it wrong to repost these knowing that she isn't really cool with it in general? If it is, then I'll take these down. Anyways, here she is. Oh, and here is the link to the story about her not liking the proliferation of her visage around the super tube systems

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/28/AR2007052801370.html



By the way, if you just search for her name you'll find an extremely creepy link to a site that claims to have ALL photos of her. I get the impression that it is not her own page, but it still includes like prom photos and personal shots and stuff; facebook and such. Weird.

Celine Dion is Fucking Amazing

A New Year, A New Life

So this is 2008. This figures to be an important year in my life. This is the year that I have to commit. To decide. To finalize my direction at least for a short while. This is the year that many songs speak of (my 23rd birthday is in February). Jimmy Eat World said:

"Amazing still it seems
Ill be 23
I wont always love what I'll never have
I wont always live in my regret"

Rufus Wainwright wisely warns:

"Soaking on the ice, makin' eyes all by myself
Didn't realize you were so top of the shelf
Just you wait and see when you turn, turn 23"

God Lives Underwater reflected in this way:

"I've spent 23 years now
Trying to get by
Other people make it day to day
I still wonder why"

And anyways, even though I used to be too cool for New Year's Resolutions, I thought that maybe that was me being arrogant. In fact, it almost definitely was. An arrogance that I can do without. So I'm doing away with it now. I'm defining some resolutions. Some are awkward and abstract, and some are definite and concrete.


#1) Live more dangerously
I think that everyone probably says this every year, but I think that I really mean it. I want to embarrass myself and be humiliated and feel like an ass. I want that so that I can come out on the other side having survived. I want to ask out girls and get laughed at or slapped. Something dramatic. I want to run farther than I am able, and have to nearly crawl into my house. I want to find myself under an overloaded bar, with no spot. Save myself. Die otherwise. Put myself into danger.


#2) Run 1000 miles
This really isn't as big as it sounds, but I would like to have a documented 1000 mile year under my belt. I'm going to maybe keep tabs here and on coolrunning.com, which has a handy free journal thing that is awesome.

#3) Work out three days or more a week, every week
It isn't about achieving something tremendous. It's about making a positive change, and committing to something healthy and worthwhile. I would like to reclaim my body. Prisoner in my own soft cell.

#4) Make friends; lose friends
I'd like to lose a friend due to honesty. Perhaps there is someone out there that will be offended by some piece of honest assessment and will write me off because of it. I'm okay with that. I'm only okay with it if it is for that reason, though. I need friends with whom I can be straight up, and who can be straight up with me. If that is hard to handle, then so be it. I'd also like to make a friend or two for the same reason as well. Someone who recognizes the truth, and appreciates it.

#5) Eat better
I know how to eat. I know how to eat WELL, that is. I know I should eat 5-7 times a day. I know that I should eat organically and whole. I know that I shouldn't eat out. I know that I shouldn't eat sugar. So here's the deal. I'm going to carry a food log and note down everything that I eat. I'm going to try to eat out 2 times or less every week (there is an almost mandatory restaurant meal on Sundays). I'm going to try to eat the actual amounts of vegetables and fruits that I'm supposed to, and I'm going to try to prepare them myself. Oh, I also want to bake and cook more, instead of quick cooking stuff. I'd like to become a better chef.

That's all for now, I think. I may come up with some other things that I'd like to focus on this year. If I do, I'll post them. I leave you with Tori Amos:

"If I have a heart attack at 23
I'm loving you too much
If I have a heart attack at 23
Wave bye-bye
You'll miss me
You'll miss me baby
If I have a heart attack at 23"