What a world or something

Things with RR were oddly casual. There was no reciprocity. She was down on me all the time, but was reticent to receive. Then there was the offer of sex. Too far too fast.

Secret Lover and Savra broke up and Savra moved out. That night, SL came over for dinner and movies. Royal Tenenbaums. When Harry Met Sally. She slept here. I may have had the chance to kiss her. In fact, I have no doubt. But I felt guilty. On the one hand, I was with RR, even though that was rocky and weird. On the other, even if SL and I are to be together, it can't be for a long long time. Like months. Many months. So I didn't want to confuse things this early. I don't want her to feel tied down, because I don't want to be tied down myself.

The next night things with RR got better. It was unexpected. We conciled (the re seems unnecessary). I felt much more connected to her all of a sudden. I am with her.

Now things with SL are weird. Hmm. Game night.

Weirdest. End. Of. Night. Ever.

After the 2ND blowie, she says, "Do you have any condoms?"

Of course, at this point I laugh and say, "We're not having sex"

What the fuck? I feel a certain pang of regret and guilt immediately after saying this.

Me: "You just blew me TWICE, I'm not having any sex"
RR: "You don't think you could get it up for just a minute?"
Me: *stunned silence* "Is this really how you want to lose it?"
RR: "No...you could just put it in once, I just want to know what it feels like"
Me: "No, we're not doing it"

She then proceeded to get dressed again and tried to leave sort of fast-ish. I had to slow her down just so that I could walk her out.

There were a few things that I left out. I mean, right before she went down the second time, I had my hand in a particularly tender place on her body, OVER her jeans. She mentioned maybe doing her (oral, I guess?) tonight, but rehashed the whole worried about how she'll compare with my exes thing. She also was worried about me thinking she was gross etc etc, and whatever. So I said, "maybe we should just wait until you're all groomed and showered and whatever" which she responded to with, "but I want it," which was promptly followed with more hee-hawin and anxiety. Then she went down on me before letting me know whether or not she was gonna have a go. THEN we had the above conversation.

What.
The.
Fuck...?

This girl is weird as hell.

Oh, but dinner was amazing. I'm great at cooking some stuff.

So here's the deal

Was drunk and with phone, so hilarity and destiny ensued.

Roadrunner got some lame dirty texting, which she thought was fun, so no problems. People and their guilt. Makes no sense. Just enjoy your life for a second or two. It's okay, Jesus won't damn you. Or maybe he will, in which case I apologize. My bad.

Secret Lover got the table and all that's on it, which is now everything.

Peace Corps application is officially submitted. Now I shiver with anxious energy for the entire next year, wondering if I'm man enough to do this. Expect a whole new slew of "will she wait?" songs based on SL probably, but don't tell RR that they aren't about her. It's casual, and it's okay that way. We're both invested. We're Jim and Karen, but Pam is still answering phones. Does that make sense? Yes, it does.

The new job starts on the 15th (a Monday). I will do a week or two of training here in Tempe, then may have to relocate to a battleground state until the end of the election. I'm super excited about this.

Leslie is going backpacking forever. I really want to do this, too. I was thinking that maybe when I get back from Peace Corps, if I still don't want to rejoin civilization, I could take the money they give me and go backpacking through Europe or something. I mean, I could also invest the money wisely, but that sucks and doesn't do anything except yield more money. Money is for fools. Or am I going to do that Masters program thing? I forget. Oh well.

Oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit

I think that I've figured it out.

I'm with Roadrunner currently. I mean, not right NOW, but in general.

Secret Lover is breaking up with Savra. We hung out last night and, um, for lack of a better word, cuddled. We drank a bottle of wine. Nothing else happened.

When Secret Lover breaks up with her boy, I will abstain. Demand she have time on her own. I will continue to casually date Roadrunner.

There is too much history with Secret Lover. We can't just date. It's like Jim and Pam. We ARE them. Ha, called it.

Roadrunner OMG

Okay, so she deserves an entire long update, but I just don't have time right now. All I time for right now is to say enough to make Adam pee his pants with giddy joy.

Apparently, as some point, the phrase "I'm sorry, but we have to slow down" started to mean, "I want to do things to you on a country club golf course at night"

I ain't saying something happened. I ain't saying something DIDN'T happen. All I'm saying is that those two phrases, in my universe, now mean the same thing.

Tonight

I'm playing tonight at 8pm.
Here's the setlist

Dm Instrumental Thing
Dirt & Water Salvation
Linoleum Floors
Oh, Leslie (By Adam)
Two Years From Now
Roadrunner (Give Her To Me)
I Wish That I Could See You Soon (By Herman Dune)

I wonder how long that'll be?

Assorted Pictures

Roadrunner V: Well, THAT was unexpected

I called Roadrunner at about 2:30 to ask how her finals are going. She was done, and did well, by the way. But that's besides the point.
I'd spent the whole day deciding that date idea numero uno would be for her to come over and watch some Planet Earth, and I would make us dinner. I also decided that I should have some backup ideas, in case she was uncomfortable coming to my house. I mean, maybe I'm overthinking the whole situation or overestimating her conservatism or something, but I was worried that she would hear that connection between my HOUSE, and the third date and think that I was just trying to get in her pants. Blah blah, the point is that I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable, so I spent the day at work gathering backup date ideas. Got some excellent places:

-Kazimierz (www.kazbar.net) which is a super rad wine bar in Scottsdale.
-The Orange Table, which is apparently some sort of breakfast and lunch kind of place in Old Town.
-SMoCA, or the Scottsdale Museum of Contemporary Art, which also butts rights up to a lake thing that has eating and wine and such.
-Challenger Space Something or Other, place in Peoria that has stargazings and related space things.
-Something else that I forgot.

Well, anyways, I called her and threw out the idea about me making us dinner and all that, and she was down, so I was obviously worried about nothing.

I head off to get supplied.

Whole Foods:
Bell Peppers (Red, Orange, Yellow)
Onion (Yellow)
Rainier Cherries
Black Grapes
Salad
Blueberry Dressing
Kiltlifter 6pk
Fat Tire 6pk
Demi Baguette (tiny french bread)
Raw Vegan Cheesecake
Stravecchio (sort of like Parmeggiano)
Angel Hair Pasta
Basil and Zucchini Pasta Sauce
Bottled Water

Target:
New pillows (my old ones are getting lumpy and lame)
Lighters
Tumblers

Alltel Store:
Getting a new phone sent to me

So I got home and immediately set to cleaning the house, duh. I managed the hide most of the really bad shit from the living room, and did a decent job in the kitchen, since that's where we'd be. Took out the trash. Hid my clothes and stuff in my room.

She rolled up while I was still in the shower, so Louis let her in. I finished up and got smelling good and all that then set to do dinner.

Here's what I made:

"Sauteed" half of each bell pepper with about 1/3 of the onion and two sliced garlic cloves. I warmed two cans of diced tomatoes, and added the vegetables to it to sort of simmer. We had that sauce over the pasta, and I also skillet toasted demi baguette slices with stravecchio shavings and some italian seasoning. I forgot about the salad, and neither of us really wanted beer. Anyways, it was great, and she loved it.

We had some issues with Planet Earth, trying to find that sweet shark footage, which was on some nonsense disc. Anyways, after that was all over we started making out on the couch, which is not really built for making out it would seem, so I asked if she wanted to move off the couch. We walked back to my room and resumed where we'd left off. Things got a little heated, which is why I titled this entry how I did. You don't know what I'm about to tell you, but somehow I ended up having my hand all up in between her thighs. I will also mention that ALL clothes are still on, which is a little awkward and made it hard to, um, finish the job, but that's a whole nother story. Anyways, considering what was occurring I moved to gain easier manual access (undo her jeans), and she stopped me. Now, that's fine, I mean this all sort of came out of nowhere, so I totally expected her to stop me, but what I didn't expect was what she SAID. She stops me for a second, then looks at me, and goes, "I have a penis." LOL, nah, I'm just kidding, she said, "I'm sorry, I've never done this before" So that was kind of trippy (considering how gorgeous she is), and I just did my best to assure her that it's totally cool, and that we move at whatever speed she's comfortable with. Anyways, we ended up back there again (overpants), but everytime I ventured anywhere near underneath of clothing she totally stopped me, haha. So yeah, totally unexpected.

We made out for a long while, and then just laid there and almost fell asleep, so we got up and she left. She's going to Michigan on Saturday morning, and won't be back for like a week, so there will be no news regarding her for a while.

Anyways, if anything ever happens with Roadrunner, NEVER tell her that I just told you what went down. The point of this entry is that this girl is super sweet and seems sort of conservative, but I think that she is mostly just unexperienced (she kisses kind of awkwardly to be frank). Lesson learned: everyone's horny, and that includes you.

Roadrunner on the way

This Thursday I plan to take RR out again. Or I should say, I plan going out with her again. I called her on like Saturday and she said that she'd like to go out again. Thursdays seem to be the day for now, just because of her schedule. No biggie, it just means that I'll have to wake up early the next day to go to San Francisco. She mentioned that she needed to be home sort of early on Thursday anyway (pick up a friend from the airport), so it works out. Anywho, the plan is looking like Botanical Gardens, as she has never been, and would like to go. Then probably some dinner. I was sort of thinking The Breadfruit for dinner. Like half of their menu is vegan. Tight.

Anywho, I'm going to shower and go to work now.

Drinks

Hey Adam, Amaretto Sours are like slushees. Really really sweet. Like crazy sweet.