I'm cleaning out my garage

Parents bought me some plastic shelving, which is perfect. They are lightweight but heavy duty enough to hold hundreds upon hundreds of cd cases and old shirts and novelty underwear and whatever else is floating around my garage. It was important that they be lightweight so that they aren't a super bitch to move when our lease is up (my old shelving was super heavy chromed metal and it was awful to move).

I'm cleaning this garage up. It was already pretty bad, then Louis "cleaned" the house and basically just threw everything from the living room and main house randomly into the garage. So it was almost unbearably messy. Shit everywhere. I walked in and literally said, "Oh, my God. Shit everywhere. There's shit everywhere! Damnit! There's shit on the windows! Oh, my God! My house is full of shit! He shit everywhere! Look what he did! He shit all over the walls! There's shit everywhere!" Or something like that. I don't remember EXACTLY what I said. Whatever.

Anyways, so I'm cleaning that shit and finding crazy old stuff. Like pictures of me from back in the day. And of old friends. And other things. Old clothes. Magazines. Books. CDs. I miss some of my friends that I don't get to see much. I realize that there is a chance that I'll leave for Peace Corps while Leslie is off exploring the world in the way that she has chosen to do so. I found a picture of her from her prom when she wore a blue dress with black bow detail stuff and was very tan and Stevie sort of ruined the picture, but he didn't look all that bad honestly. I found pictures from Cancun of myself with my shirt off. I found pictures from Italy of me and Elizabeth and my hair looks like Anthony Kiedis' hair did a few years ago, although the picture predates that stage of his career. Prom pics with Julee and Co. Fun times. We looked good. That one picture that haunts me of me flexing in front of my dad's car after it was painted. To be back there. I hate not being able to stop looking backwards. Saying more than once that things will change is worse than never knowing that they need to in the first place.

My type's phenotype

Bottom up:

Feet: Just SLIGHTLY larger than average, though not overly bone-filled or lean or sharp.

Calves: Larger than average, though not like fatty at all. I like a little muscle here.

Knees: No sagging.

Quads: Muscular shape, but no separation due to leanness.

Hamstrings: Muscle. Hook. It. Up. One of my favorite places. A nice curve. Mmm, tasty.

Butt: Thick due to muscular foundation, not fat. Cellulite not welcome here.

Waist: Smaller the better.

Stomach: I like to know that there is a six pack hiding under there, but I don't necessarily want to see it all the time. Just the side lines, and the oblique definition (another one of my favorite areas).

Boobs: Traditionally I pursue girls who are flat in the name of athleticism. I am not much of a breast man type (I prefer legs), but my ideal chick is otherwise athletic and lean with C cups. I don't like them too big. Although, Duffy might be edging up on some Ds. Side boob is one of the hottest things ever.

Arms: Um, what the fuck ever, so long as they aren't all flabby or trackmarked.



Here is a graphical representation of what I just described (my perfect female's body):



okay, so since it's apparently not obvious, this specimen is Jessica Biel

Danette

Danette was Korey's friend. Korey owned the house at which my then band practiced (her parents/neighbors were pretty understanding). Korey was friends with AJ and Vic who were the guitarist and singer, respectively, in this band (The Virgin Yard, by the way). So anyways, this was during my freshman year of college during the portion of time that I Julee and I were broken up. Danette was very charming, and still rather young; she was naive, but not stupid. I liked that she hoped for the best from people, but already knew that most guys were generally shit, and would treat her poorly. She was busty and cute, though like with many of the girls that I call "cute," I was apparently the only guy who thought so. High school and college aged people generally have very underdeveloped appreciation for beauty, especially that which is steeped in nuance. Danette was this type: full of promise and defined by her subtlety.

We sort of flirted a little while the band played, and we would continue said flirting during band breaks. Eventually, Korey told me that I should ask Danette to her prom (reminder: at this point, I'm a freshman in college, Danette is a Junior at my old high school, where Julee is a senior). I instead take Danette out a few times. I don't really remember exactly all of what we did, but I know that we drove quite a bit. I loved driving at the time, and I would take her to places that she hadn't seen before, or places that were really dark, which is always exciting. I remember driving through a neighborhood full of gardens. We had the windows down so that we could smell the sweet aromas drift lazily through the desert development. I saw a large stand of bougainvillea that stood out among the low lying daisies and roses. I stopped my truck abruptly, jumped out and broke off a decent sized little branch covered with lush purple petals and got back into the truck, where I presented it to Danette. This was, obviously, the sweetest thing ever. A few of the petals fell off in my truck, where they stayed until my father unwittingly threw them away one day weeks later.

One day Danette for some reason or another had driven to the townhouse which I lived in with Louis. Frankly, I don't really remember why, but it ended up with us at my back gate in front of her car. I was holding her by the waist, and she had her hands around my shoulders. I leaned in and kissed her. She kissed back. I did it once more, same thing. Then I attempted the third, and probably more involved (read: open mouthed) kiss, and she backed off. I let her go sort of gracefully, and with the least amount of embarrassment or awkwardness possible. We said goodnight, and she left.

After that, we sort of cooled off. I still don't entirely understand why, honestly. She says that I backed off after that, and that she assumed it was because of the kissing thing. I said that SHE backed off, and I assumed that it was because I was either a terrible kisser, or I was somehow moving too quick for her. Didn't matter really, we still remained friends, and I still planned on going to the prom with her (oh yeah, I had asked her at some point between the dates).

Before I asked her, I checked with Julee. I didn't want to cause any trouble, and I figured that the best way to do that would be to ask Julee if she was okay with me going to her prom with Danette. Julee told me that she didn't care, so I went ahead and asked Danette.

Danette, Korey, AJ, and myself went all together in my dad's 72 Caprice. I remember that I let my then hair stylist (Hope) do my eyebrows. She did a terrible job, and I looked ridiculous, but I'm over it now.

Once at the actual prom, it became pretty clear to everyone that Julee was really NOT alright with me being there. This coupled with the fact that Julee wore the exact same dress as Julia (she gets a tag, now). So after talking a little bit, a massively offensive date swap was worked out, and I swapped dates with Josh who had come with Julee. He agreed to take care of Danette, who didn't seem too offended to be swapping. Now, this was in my earlier days, before I could really read people all that well, so don't blame me for my idiocy. Of course Julee wasn't okay with me going to her senior prom, even if she said that she was okay with it. Of course Danette wouldn't be okay with me dumping her at prom to go back with my ex girlfriend, and then pawning her off to the guy that said ex had come with.

I honestly feel pretty bad about the whole thing now. I wonder though if Julee and I would have gotten back together if it weren't for that prom. At the same time though, would Danette and I have persevered if I hadn't gone? Maybe. Weird.

Danette is one of those girls that I sort of wish I had a second shot with. I still think that she is gorgeous, and she was so nice that I think I would have really liked a better chance to get to know her. I guess that timing just doomed us. I think that she is in a pretty serious relationship with some guy that she met in college. Too bad. She falls in with Marissa and a few others on my "Would like a second/better shot."

"Because no battle is ever won he said. They are not even fought. The field only reveals to man his own folly and despair, and victory is an illusion of philosophers and fools."

William Faulkner - The Sound and the Fury