http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080327/ts_nm/merck_fda_dc

FDA probes suicide risk in Merck Singulair

15 minutes ago

U.S. health regulators are probing a possible connection between Merck & Co's Singulair asthma drug and suicidal behavior, the Food and Drug Administration said on Thursday.

The FDA said it is reviewing the issue after receiving reports of mood and behavior changes, suicidal thinking and suicide in patients who took the drug, which is used to treat stuffy nose, sneezing and other allergy symptoms as well as asthma.

The agency did not say how many reports it had received.

While no definite link to the drug has been established, the FDA said it has asked Merck to evaluate its data for more information on the risk. The agency said it expects it to take up to nine months to finish its own review.

The FDA said it is also reviewing reports of behavioral changes in patients taking other similar drugs, including AstraZeneca's Accolate and Critical Therapeutics Inc's Zyflo but has not yet decided whether further investigation is needed.

Merck earlier added information about the risk of tremors, depression, anxiousness and suicidal behavior to Singulair's label.

Representatives for Merck had no immediate comment.

Shares of Merck were off 31 cents at $44.39 in morning trade on the New York Stock Exchange.

(Reporting by Kim Dixon and Susan Heavey, editing by Dave Zimmerman)

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She may be on to something

So Ashlee may be on to something that is a little deeper than I'd previously suspected. She makes fun of me for seemingly attracting girls with massive problems (emotional, financial, et al). I've always sort of thought very little of this occurrence, since it never really BOTHERED me, per se. However, with the slight happening of this morning in mind, I wonder if there is some other force at work.

I was chilling at The Coffee Shop, doing homework and hanging out and whatever. There are a number of girls now working there that I don't know, and one of them is Birdhand. I call her this because when she puts her hands together (like if cupping to catch water) there is a tattoo formed between the two that looks like she is holding a dead bird. Anywho, I was making smallesque talk like I do with coffee girls, and she sat down and started talking to me. She mentioned in stride how things changed for her when some dude died (this may or may not be a fiance or husband or something, as she IS wearing an engagement ring and a wedding band). Well, anyways, I've always sort of been drawn to her. I don't know if I would say attracted, although she IS the cutest thing ever, and I AM attracted to her. I mean that I have always felt more compelled to her than to other girls in the shop in general. She always seems pretty happy, though I've never believed her. I have a feeling that the loss she was talking about is sort of recent, and major. I am suspecting that she lost her fiance, though I have no real basis for that. And now I can't wait to talk to her again. This is essentially the same story as with Delux (Plain Jane), though I have even less reason to believe she is damaged. Watch out though, I'm expecting massive emotional scarring in at least one of these two.

The point = I think that there may be something about me that puts certain people at ease. Generally, "certain people" tends to mean people with a need to talk, or people who have some unresolved and/or unexamined issues. We'll see.

boomin system

So I bought a cd player and a pair of speakers for the car today. This is excellent, because I've been stuck listening to the radio for a few months now, and I don't think I can take it much longer. I got this tasteful little JVC deck on sale (open box) for like $20 off:



And then these 4 way Pioneer speakers were also on clearance for like $20 off:



So now I'm like LL Cool J:



LL COOL J LYRICS

"The Boomin' System"

[Marley Marl:]
Just kick a little something for them cars that be bumpin

Yeah aight
But we need a beat that they can front to
Oh, that'll work
Be funky
You know what I'm sayin?

(Cars ride by with the boomin systems)
(Cars ride by)

Funky
For all the cars out there
And all the brothers
That like to front in their rides
Check it out

You know it's funky, funky, funky cos you heard it from hear-say
A jam that you love that don't be gettin no airplay
Strictly for frontin when you're ridin around
12 o'clock at night with your windows down
Headlights breakin cos your batteries drain
Armor all on your tires and a big gold chain
Parkin outside of all the hip-hop spots
Push the E-Q and play connect the dots
Leanin to the side, people everywhere
The trunk full of amps, there ain't no room for a spare
Big beats bumpin with the bass in back
All the sophisticated suckers catch a heart attack
Cos they don't understand why I act this way
Pumpin up the funky beat until the break of day
It's because I want attention when i'm ridin by
And the girls be on my jock cos my system's fly

Girlies wanna ride with a brother like me
Cos they be hear me gettin funky frequently
They tell me don't drink and drive, I say what is this
Mind your business
Now pass it around
Laid back, hypnotized by the funky sound
People in the street see me bobbin my head
While I'm checkin out the rapper and the rhyme that he said
I'm frontin, and I don't care if you know
The backseat of my car is like a disco show
You would think I was a good friend of Al Capone
Crazy air freshener, who needs cologne
Bottom to the bottom to the top to the top
Cruise - it's 3 o'clock
The girlies, they smile, they see me comin
I'm steady hummin, I got the Funky Drummer drummin
My trunk be shakin, vibratin and rattlin
Pumpin so loud, all the shorties be battlin
A right-hand man's here without the swing
Every chance I get I'm showin off my rings
I can keep it up until the break of dawn
Cos I'm frontin in my ride and my word is bond

Sun roof open, so I can feel the wind blow
I don't give a damn if it cracks my back window
C to the o to the o to the l to the i to the n
To the f to the r to the o to the n to the t to the i to the n
That means I'm chillin
Like Spoonie Gee said, my seats are soft like a bed
They recline way back, so I can get real cosy
I got the gangster tapes in the place
Like a basehead would say: I want bass
I want a hit, I want a dose
You're rollin up smilin, but you can't come close
Cos my system is pumpin loud
Like Rakim said: I wanna move the crowd
I warm it up with Kane, fight the power with PE
Tell the cops: you gots to chill with EPMD
This is something devastatin that'll break your trunk
And remember, Uncle L is like the future of the funk

You know what i'm sayin
Word
So next time you're in your ride pumpin it up
Just remember
It's Cool

Peace

What is it about you?

I was just admiring a girl in class that I would have to admit is not good looking. At least not according to what most people (Ashlee) would consider good looking. Ashlee would meet this poor soul, laugh, and then say "Nathan, no, she is not cute. She is not pretty at all. She is, in fact, ugly." However, something about this girl allures me. She is very pale, and has bad skin. She isn't overweight, but she isn't particularly toned or anything. She has beautiful red hair that she wears in a not-very-flattering way, and kind of dorky (but not dorky-chic) glasses. So I don't know what it is. I know that I like the way that her hair color juxtaposes itself against her very light skin. It is like ketchup on mayonnaise. Or menstrual blood on cotton panties. Basically red on white. I don't know why, but I like it. I've never heard her voice, as she is very quiet and remains so in class. She seems shy. She is not a fashion-plate. She wore today a pair of jeans, flip flops, and a super bowl shirt. I'm not sure what it is.

There is a girl in THIS class, one who I actually awkwardly found on match.com. She is very skinny. She has a very long neck, and a sort of peculiar face. Blond hair. Tan skin. Not slutty. Very fashionable in the colder winter, but it's harder to do so when it gets so warm. She still dresses well though. She is very inviting, and I know that she has to have also seen me online in all of my shame. I wonder if she wonders why I never asked her out after finding out that she is alone and looking. I hope not. I think that that would be awkward and untoward of me. I pretend always that I am going to ask her out.

A girl in the same class as Ketchup and Mayonnaise has lupus. She is generally very well dressed, and has a fantastic haircut. She is sort of goofy looking, but in a way that I find attractive, apparently. I think that Ashlee would say that she is plain. Fuck it.

Roadrunner, by the way, is a funny opposite example. Her ass sort of reminds me of a 40 year old woman's ass. Which is to say that it isn't particularly sexy. I mean, I'm sure it's nice unclothed. Maybe she just doesn't know how to buy jeans that work with her curve. I can show her the way.

Whatever, I'm just killing time in class now. I have an interesting class coming up, and then we are going to dinner for class as well at this place called C-Fu. Our teacher has been freaking out about dim sum lately, so he wanted to have class there. Apparently, dim sum is like tapas, only chinese, and served with tea instead of booze.

Ugh, I can't wait for this semester to be over. I just want to spend the summer working out and making some money. I am pretty excited about starting entirely anew. A new house, a new lifestyle, a new job. Good stuff.

I made a new myspace, but really only for work related stuff. I don't intend to use it for personal crap at all.

I want to get another pair of glasses. It occurred to me that it is weird for us to expect everyone to only wear the same pair all the time. I mean, I don't always do my hair the same way, and I certainly don't wear the same shirt everyday, so why shouldn't I have some choices for these things? They are one of the most immediate and memorable aspects of my appearance. Let's shake it up.

I'm getting a cd player in the car, finally. I'm just going to go get it done by Best Buy or something, and my parents are paying me back as a (late) birthday gift. It's going to be good. I also need some new floor mats, and maybe some seat covers. We'll see.

Bored.

Ashlee last night

Watch until the end. Seriously.

Someone tell me

Where da slutz at?

Big Dog Robot

This is testing my sense of life

Just Kill It Already

Is it ever appropriate to tell someone else to break up with their (in)significant other? I mean, if they are being beaten or abused, then duh, but I mean just based on the general trials of relationships. I mean, it is sort of arrogant to say, "I've heard one side of this story, and I can make a serious decision based on that." Also, it is foolish to say, "Well, because my similarly based relationship failed and needed to fail, I think that yours should, too." It's hard to tell someone that they should not be with who they are with, even if it seems so obvious to me. So I try not to. I try to lead the person to my own conclusion by laying out what it is that I see from the outside, since they are often blinded by the experience. However, I am aware that they will not always draw the same conclusion, as evidenced by the 30 different understandings obtained by the 30 different people all sitting in the same lecture. I'm not JUST talking about Ash or Adam here, but people in my life in general. Oh, I need to go to Body Positive. Later yo.

Raerae text back and forth

Here was the sexy back and forth that just went down:

Me: ..."It's calm. Peaceful."
Her: "The calm before the storm."
Me: "Lol, the storm is passing for me. May!"
Her: "X-/"
Me: "LOL. Don't worry, i won't forget you."
Her: "Suuuuuuure."
Me: "I could never forget you raerae!"
Her: "Yeah, right..."
Me: "at the risk of sounding something, with a figure like your71 your impression isn't going anywhere soon."
Her: "I think the little of a figure i have is slowly disappearing"
Me: "Well then i should appreciate it as much as i can before it's gone."
Her: "I'm gonna have to start working out"
Me: "Me too. This just got way hotter than i was expecting, lol."

Just checking in

Some things work out in weird ways. I hate being/sleeping alone, but I can spend extended periods of time largely by myself and be totally content. I can sit in a coffee shop or tea house for 5 or 6 hours filling out crossword puzzles and watching people. I hate walking next to a girl without touching her.

I've changed some strategies. Whereas all girls think that they value honesty and forwardness, they don't actually value it in the same way that they value animal attraction and cheesy game. Once I would have been the best listener she'd ever met, but then also possibly the best friend she'd ever stood to gain. I'm aware. Now I am young, dumb, and more or less full of cum, I guess. I can still listen like a fuckin' fox, but instead of responding, "maybe you should give your ex another chance," I'm going to be straight up like, "He's an idiot for not appreciating you." I mean, to whom do I hold loyalties, and why don't I hold them to myself? I still will never LIE to a girl, but if she stands to benefit as much from me as from someone else, I'm going to stop martyring. This is already working, to a certain degree. I think that I have Raerae confused, which is actually good for me. She was fairly sure that she didn't want to get into anything too quickly, but I think that she might be reconsidering, now that she knows how rad I am. We flirt. I say WE. I mean, I definitely do it more and more often, but she doesn't respond the way that an uncomfortable girl would. The other difference would be that in the past I would ask over and over if it was okay to flirt with her, and if she was comfortable and all that. Fuck that. I am going to do it even if it makes her uncomfortable. If she can't handle it, then we'll fall apart, but maybe that's best in that case. However, what if she CAN handle it? Then I win. Or we both do, or something.

Holy crap, the old wannabe Stevie Nicks playing guitar here at Bunna is now singing the weirdest cover of "The Reason" (Hoobastank maybe?) ever. It's actually better than the real song, but that isn't a tremendously difficult thing to accomplish. I just sneezed and it was better than the original. How that jerk won a songwriting award for that crap blows my mind.

Here's the list, in order:
Raerae
Hana
Delux
Tea
Coffee
Ironwoman
Granola

If any of those names are foreign to you, it's either because I haven't mentioned them (Delux), or you aren't paying enough attention.

Raerae: Duh, see this entry and the one before it.
Hana: I liveblogged about her and Tea, who both work at Mandala.
Delux: Plain Jane working at Lux.
Coffee: Cutest girl ever. Works at Bunna.
Ironwoman: Sold me these here running shoes.
Granola: Scary Eye's roommate. She has become rather boring.

So yeah, Granola is boring. She wakes up at like 2 or 3 and sits around until she goes to sleep again. She doesn't work or go to school. With all due respect, when you do so little with your day, you aren't going to have much to talk about. And she doesn't. Nothing is ever up nor is it ever new. Although it usually IS the plan for the day. Ugh.

Oh yeah, Carebear turned out to be part of a Bible study at our shop, which is for some reason a huge turnoff for me. I mean, I'm all for reading the Bible, but I hate the "four girls talking about Jesus and feminism" setup of their group. She is still cute as a ladybug, so if I think that she'll accept an advance, I'll extend one, but I don't necessarily plan on doing so now.

I'm looking for houses now. I'm about two weeks early, but I'm looking anyways. I'm looking in Tempe, South Scottsdale, North Chandler, and West Mesa, in that order. I've found some pretty promising listings already, so I think we'll be able to get something sort of nice. It shall be myself, Ashlee, and Lou Bega, so I'm hoping for a 4 bedroom (spare for storage) or a big 3 with a den or garage or something. My preferred neighborhood would really be the Maple Ash area that is just SouthWest of University and Mill. I want to sort of be near happenings, and people our age. I think Ashlee feels the same way. Lou Bega just wants to be somewhat closer to any semblance of an arts scene, since such a thing is completely absent from our area now. I'm excited. I want to have sex with some girl and have BOTH of them hear it. Not for any sort of pervy excitable reason like I get off on it, I just think that'll be funny. I'm also totally getting a sex gong. I think that being the age that I am, sex sort of loses its sacred aspect and becomes a little more fun, since now essentially every girl that I meet will have had sex at least once previous to me. Does that make sense? I mean that a virgin or a girl for whom I was her first might be offended by a sex gong, but a girlie who isn't so embarrassed by it would probably just think I'm a dummy, then roll over and go to sleep. Which I'm okay with. Lou B and I have been laughing about the idea for a long time, so I think it's definitely going to have to happen now at the new place. Especially since we will both be college graduates. I plan to help Loubiez get some, somehow. I am really pestering him about joining the gym and going with me. He says that he just wants to run, but honestly, I am going to be running a lot less than previously. I want to focus more on physical appearance than athletic ability, so running will become just one of the many things that I do. Whatever.

I told Raerae that she inspired me. She has what I think is a totally hot body/nearly perfect build. Broad-ish shoulders, small ribcage and waist, but WITH hips. Long legs, too. Big calves. Doesn't SOUND sexy, but it IS. I felt sort of lacking, for sure. She also told me about her friend Glenn (who is my primary competition for her panties...err, I mean heart) who is an Air Force ROTC guy who works out like a madman and has aspirations of becoming a test pilot, and then an astronaut, which is like growing up to become Mick Jagger with a huge dick, ya know? I can't beat that even if I DO cure cancer/AIDS. Fuck him. Maybe he'll become an alcoholic or meth addict due to the pressure. See, now this is a situation where traditionally I'd be like "Raerae, for reals, Glenn is great, and he treats you well, right? You sort of like him? Well, why don't you go out with him and see how it works? If it doesn't really play out, then maybe we could go out." Anyways, so I told her that her mild self hate (she doesn't like her body, and thinks that she could lose a few pounds) inspired me to also hate myself enough to make a change. So I'm going to try. Again. For reals. Laugh Out Loud. Lots Of Laughs. Look Out Lucy!

Okay, time to do this midterm I guess.

The Reason lyrics (Hoobastank)

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you