Most Hilarious Christmas Thing

Okay, so in my stocking at my Dad's side of the family was a "Grow An Elf." It's just a dollar store stocking stuffer thing. Basically one of those growing sponges that gets bigger when you get it wet. The funny part would be the hilarious directions on the back of the box. Here are the best parts:

INSTRUCTIONS FOR USE:
Place your grow toy in a large container of room temperature water. Watch how it changes as it transforms up to 600% its size. Remove from water and it will slowly shrink as it dries. Your toy can be grown again and again.
The growth is calculated as a total increase in mass and volume. As your toy grows it may distort in shape. The is part of the fun and will correct when fully grown. The slimy, icky, texture is normal and harmless. Your toy may take up to 10 days to grow completely. Darker color will restore when toy is shrunk back to its original size.

Also, the front of the package makes some hilariously impossible claims, including:

I can get every gift that you need

I know the words to every Christmas Song

I'll wrap all your presents for you

I like how they are totally exploiting the hopefulness of poor children and their equally poor (read: stupid) parents just to sell this piece of crap. My rich family buys these things just to laugh at the poor people who cry when they realize that we bought them all with no intention of actually using their talents to get us gifts and wrap our presents. Oh, by the way, there is a fantastic seal on the front of this thing that says, "The Official Grow Toy," in case you were worried that this wasn't a real deal article.