WEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD

So RR and I broke up. I will now commence dating many random Cartel girls. Discuss.

What a world or something

Things with RR were oddly casual. There was no reciprocity. She was down on me all the time, but was reticent to receive. Then there was the offer of sex. Too far too fast.

Secret Lover and Savra broke up and Savra moved out. That night, SL came over for dinner and movies. Royal Tenenbaums. When Harry Met Sally. She slept here. I may have had the chance to kiss her. In fact, I have no doubt. But I felt guilty. On the one hand, I was with RR, even though that was rocky and weird. On the other, even if SL and I are to be together, it can't be for a long long time. Like months. Many months. So I didn't want to confuse things this early. I don't want her to feel tied down, because I don't want to be tied down myself.

The next night things with RR got better. It was unexpected. We conciled (the re seems unnecessary). I felt much more connected to her all of a sudden. I am with her.

Now things with SL are weird. Hmm. Game night.

Weirdest. End. Of. Night. Ever.

After the 2ND blowie, she says, "Do you have any condoms?"

Of course, at this point I laugh and say, "We're not having sex"

What the fuck? I feel a certain pang of regret and guilt immediately after saying this.

Me: "You just blew me TWICE, I'm not having any sex"
RR: "You don't think you could get it up for just a minute?"
Me: *stunned silence* "Is this really how you want to lose it?"
RR: "No...you could just put it in once, I just want to know what it feels like"
Me: "No, we're not doing it"

She then proceeded to get dressed again and tried to leave sort of fast-ish. I had to slow her down just so that I could walk her out.

There were a few things that I left out. I mean, right before she went down the second time, I had my hand in a particularly tender place on her body, OVER her jeans. She mentioned maybe doing her (oral, I guess?) tonight, but rehashed the whole worried about how she'll compare with my exes thing. She also was worried about me thinking she was gross etc etc, and whatever. So I said, "maybe we should just wait until you're all groomed and showered and whatever" which she responded to with, "but I want it," which was promptly followed with more hee-hawin and anxiety. Then she went down on me before letting me know whether or not she was gonna have a go. THEN we had the above conversation.

What.
The.
Fuck...?

This girl is weird as hell.

Oh, but dinner was amazing. I'm great at cooking some stuff.

So here's the deal

Was drunk and with phone, so hilarity and destiny ensued.

Roadrunner got some lame dirty texting, which she thought was fun, so no problems. People and their guilt. Makes no sense. Just enjoy your life for a second or two. It's okay, Jesus won't damn you. Or maybe he will, in which case I apologize. My bad.

Secret Lover got the table and all that's on it, which is now everything.

Peace Corps application is officially submitted. Now I shiver with anxious energy for the entire next year, wondering if I'm man enough to do this. Expect a whole new slew of "will she wait?" songs based on SL probably, but don't tell RR that they aren't about her. It's casual, and it's okay that way. We're both invested. We're Jim and Karen, but Pam is still answering phones. Does that make sense? Yes, it does.

The new job starts on the 15th (a Monday). I will do a week or two of training here in Tempe, then may have to relocate to a battleground state until the end of the election. I'm super excited about this.

Leslie is going backpacking forever. I really want to do this, too. I was thinking that maybe when I get back from Peace Corps, if I still don't want to rejoin civilization, I could take the money they give me and go backpacking through Europe or something. I mean, I could also invest the money wisely, but that sucks and doesn't do anything except yield more money. Money is for fools. Or am I going to do that Masters program thing? I forget. Oh well.

Oooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit

I think that I've figured it out.

I'm with Roadrunner currently. I mean, not right NOW, but in general.

Secret Lover is breaking up with Savra. We hung out last night and, um, for lack of a better word, cuddled. We drank a bottle of wine. Nothing else happened.

When Secret Lover breaks up with her boy, I will abstain. Demand she have time on her own. I will continue to casually date Roadrunner.

There is too much history with Secret Lover. We can't just date. It's like Jim and Pam. We ARE them. Ha, called it.