Secret Lover Ia

I picked her up and we started driving towards Tempe. We didn't have any plans, other than to find a bookstore at some point. We drove until we got to Tempe Marketplace, and figured that they have a Barnes & Noble as well as various restaurants and such, so we ought to stop there. We opened Christmas gifts in the car. I gave her some spiked collars for her dogs, as well as a day planner book with pictures of pugs, and a Victoria's Secret gift card (she told me once that she doesn't own ANYTHING from there). She gave me a note that said that she had no idea what book I would want to read, so she was going to buy me whatever book I wanted. That's why she wanted to go to a bookstore.

We went to Tea Infusions, where I had a soy chocolate chai latte, and she had a soy spicy chai latte. Both were delicious. We sipped on them gently as we perused the shelves at B&N. I decided on a collection of Pablo Neruda poetry, since he is maybe my favorite poet. She bought something by the author of White Oleander, because that was one of the few books that she has enjoyed. She also grabbed something called The Dog Walker, which sounded like Sex and the City only with dogs instead of annoying friends. Might be good.

We walked around and looked at the art gallery there, which was actually rather nice, and had some very impressive pieces.

At that point, we drove in to Phoenix/Scottsdale and ate at Red Tomato, which used to be Western Pizza. It was tasty. Not as good as Western Pizza used to be, but not bad at all. A little cold though, I think.

Then I took her home and hung out with her and Mike (her boyfriend) for a while. He had just purchased some new mics, so he handed me a guitar and set up the mics. Stephanie pulled out her violin, and she and I jammed out minor for a little while. That was pretty fun, actually.

I left then.

Not sure.

"White bee, you buzz in my soul, drunk with honey,
and your flight winds in slow spirals of smoke.

I am the one without hope, the word without echoes,
he who lost everything and he who had everything"

White Bee [Abeja Blanca], by Pablo Neruda

Secret Lover I

So I'm about to get dressed and go to Secret Lover's house, where I will present her with the assorted dog-related crap that I got her for Christmas (she loves her smelly ass pugs), as well as the Victoria's Secret gift card. It's going to be a little awkward I think giving her that card in front of her rather prudish boyfriend, but whatever, I can take him. I think that Todd Hoover and the Invisible Teal are going to be at her place recording with her boyfriend who is a music production major. THatIT are pretty good, check them out at invisibleteal.com. Todd is a super nice guy, too. But that's all besides the point. So I think that Secret Lover wants to go to a bookstore. I'm up for anything, as long as I also get food, because I'm super hungry all of a sudden. Okay, that's all for now. I'll update if anything happens of note tonight.

Favorite Sites

usatf.org/routes

Here's the start of a new regular thingy. I'm going to write about some of my favorite sites online. The first is USA Track & Field's "America's Running Routes" page found at usatf.org/routes. With help from a Google Maps feature, you can look up your area with a satellite image or a drawn streets map and plot out the route that you just ran or plan to run. Then it tells you the total distance of that route. This is super helpful for those of us who run but don't own foot pods or gps units that map our routes automatically. I use this page all the time, and I am always telling other runners about it.

I remember back in like 2003 when I was running on a canal in central Phoenix and I had an idea for the exact same feature. I went online looking for the AZ canals website, sort of assuming that they would already have this sort of thing available, since they are always bragging about their Sonoran Trail or whatever that thing is that runners are supposed to follow that moves along the canal for a while. Anywho, I'm glad that someone finally actually designed the damn thing, and I think that there are a few others out there now, too.

“Learn to run when feeling the pain: then push harder.”
-William Sigei

“Great people and great athletes realize early in their lives their destiny, and accept it. Even if they do not consciously realize the how, the where, the what."
-Percy Wells Cerutty

“When I first started running, I was so embarrassed I'd walk when cars passed me. I'd pretend I was looking at the flowers.”
-Joan Benoit Samuelson

Head Groin

I've always wondered, "If the head had a groin, where would it be?"


"The eyes are the groin of the head"

Dwight Shrute

Boring

Is it a sin to be bored? The more I think about it, the more the answer seems to be yes. I mean, with all of what we SHOULD be doing, there seems to be very little reason for us to ever be doing nothing at all. Yet here I sit, making up a crappy blog entry about nothing. I should be running. Or reading. Or basically doing anything at all besides this. I wonder. Wonderrrrrr. Wooooooooooondeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Rockband is pretty fun. I've noticed that my most popular entry is "My Type's Phenotype." You all are perverts. Or I am, considering that I wrote it. But no, forget that, everyone finds that page by searching for Jessica Biel's assorted body parts, so it's only partially my fault. I think that I'm going to take a nap now, because I'm super tired. I don't work tomorrow. My truck was supposed to get picked up by the mechanic today, but it is still here. I hope he gets it after work. His work, that is. I sleep now.

Most Hilarious Christmas Thing

Okay, so in my stocking at my Dad's side of the family was a "Grow An Elf." It's just a dollar store stocking stuffer thing. Basically one of those growing sponges that gets bigger when you get it wet. The funny part would be the hilarious directions on the back of the box. Here are the best parts:

INSTRUCTIONS FOR USE:
Place your grow toy in a large container of room temperature water. Watch how it changes as it transforms up to 600% its size. Remove from water and it will slowly shrink as it dries. Your toy can be grown again and again.
The growth is calculated as a total increase in mass and volume. As your toy grows it may distort in shape. The is part of the fun and will correct when fully grown. The slimy, icky, texture is normal and harmless. Your toy may take up to 10 days to grow completely. Darker color will restore when toy is shrunk back to its original size.

Also, the front of the package makes some hilariously impossible claims, including:

I can get every gift that you need

I know the words to every Christmas Song

I'll wrap all your presents for you

I like how they are totally exploiting the hopefulness of poor children and their equally poor (read: stupid) parents just to sell this piece of crap. My rich family buys these things just to laugh at the poor people who cry when they realize that we bought them all with no intention of actually using their talents to get us gifts and wrap our presents. Oh, by the way, there is a fantastic seal on the front of this thing that says, "The Official Grow Toy," in case you were worried that this wasn't a real deal article.

Consumerism; Benefits

So in the event that our consumerist society benefits me, I cannot deny that I enjoy it. For instance, Christmas is awesome in my family. We don't go super insane with the number of gifts, but everyone always manages to get at least one big gift. Here's my haul for the year, and no, I am not trying to brag:

Little Stuff:
-scale with body fat% function
-hat with led lights
-crappy joke gifts from brother
-"100 Years of Solitude"
-Brita water purifying pitcher thing
-Ms. Jerry Seinfeld's cookbook
-cash
-gift certificates (Durant's, Sprout's)
-food processor

Big Stuff:
-Espresso machine
-this laptop that I'm using right now

That's right, I was given a laptop by my parents, who must be tired of my home PC constantly crashing. This thing is pretty basic, but super dope regardless. A little Dell 14" wide screen Vostro 1400. I'm going to have fun updating LAL remotely.
My brother gave me the espresso machine, which is awesome, because he had to go to quite some lengths to find this one. Apparently only Sears.com had it in the end.
We normally do a Christmas at my Dad's side of the family as well, with gifts and all that, but we decided not to do a gift exchange this year. Instead, we did stockings and had food and just chilled out. It is kind of awkward going to that side of the family. It's very small talk. It's very personal space, which is a weird concept when it comes to family. Or at least, I don't think there should be such a coldness within family. It was nice not having to do the gift exchange, though.

Ron Marchini Facts

30 Ron Marchini Facts You Might Not Know
(adapted from 30 Chuck Norris Facts You Might Not Know)

1. Ron Marchini's tears cause cancer.

2. When Ron Marchini plays Oregon Trail his family dies from cholera or dysentery. He also requires no wagon, since he sends the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat through a transporter using a crystal. He never makes it to Oregon before you.

3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Ron Marchini instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he realized he could not, and was birthed normally.

4. Ron Marchini recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. He then added ninjas and an un-intimidating enemy to this idea and made a movie out of it.

5. Ron Marchini built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Ron Marchini rode away on his motorcycle, instinctively dodging the bullets. JFK was murdered.

6. Ron Marchini's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He did not know the answer.

7. Ron Marchini sold his soul to the devil for his unparalleled martial arts ability and "Special Police" hat. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Ron Marchini roundhouse kicked the devil in the face. The devil, who was angry, killed Ron Marchini. Ron Marchini now languishes in torment for eternity.

8. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer, Ron Marchini smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer. He suffered tremendously every day until the day of his death.

9. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. Ron Marchini thought this sounded like a good movie idea.

10. Ron Marchini is a nice person.

11. Ron Marchini lives by only one rule: Treat others as you would like to be treated.

12. When Ron Marchini's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Ron said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He silently cursed her, because he was pretty selfish, and really wanted some turkey.

13. Ron Marchini once rode on an airplane.

14. A man once asked Ron Marchini if his real name is "Ronald". Ron Marchini acknowledged that it was, and that that at the end of his movies, he is credited as Ronald L. Marchini.

15. Ron Marchini sleeps for about 8 hours a night.

16. Ron Marchini can make a woman climax if he lucks into her G Spot and then rocks the clit for a little while.

17. Ron Marchini once went to a frat party, and was asked to leave because he was not welcome there.

18. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Ron Marchini cries and wishes he were Chuck Norris.

19. Ron Marchini is a virgin.

20. Ron Marchini asked Conan O'Brien if he wanted to use clips from his movies on his shows. He suggested maybe every time Conan pulled a lever that a clip played. Conan considered the idea, but respectfully declined because he already did that with Chuck Norris clips.

21. The chief export of Ron Marchini is excrement.

22. Ron Marchini doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. He in fact has very low levels of these cells. Doctors are worried that he may have HIV.

23. Ron Marchini frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can practice the fundamentals. He then uses these fundamentals in his pulse-regulating movies.

24. Ron Marchini once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to make him a Western Burger. He even tried calling 911 to get the police that force them to make it for him. This did not happen.

25. One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris. Ron Marchini is unaware of this.

26. Ron Marchini punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact change. He was arrested and charged with sexual assault and now his neighbors get a letter everytime he moves into a new neighborhood.

27. Ron Marchini is currently suing NBC, claiming that they owe him money. NBC is not sure who Ron Marchini is.

28. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Ron Marchini. His reasoning? It was more "sensical".

29. If you can see Ron Marchini you must be watching one of his movies. You may be only seconds away from death.

30. Ron Marchini ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children who just bought one. When they start crying Ron Marchini says, "Oh geez, I'm sooooo so sorry" and offers to buy them ice cream.


So as you can see, Ron Marchini is way more interesting than Chuck Norris.

200!

200 individual hosts! Nice. I'm sort of impressed with myself. Or google. Or something. They all seem to look at the same two posts, lol, which are "My Type's Phenotype" and "Celebrities I Love," because most of them are STILL searching for "Jessica Biel's [butt, boobs, sixpack, muscles, legs, waist, etc etc]" or "side boob." I always knew that I was right about side boob being the hottest thing possible, and I guess that this is just vindication for me. I feel like Ron Marchini. There's no stopping me now. I bet that I get 200 more hits tonight just from my mention of "Ron Marchini," the next internet sensation a la Evolution of Dance, or more appropriately, Chuck Norris Myths. Uh oh, I feel a new post.

Consumerism; Sentimentality

How do we come to attach such strong emotions to mere objects? How is it exactly that we invest memories in THINGS? It seems like maybe our brains are not contained by the skulls that surround them. Rather, they extend into the environment all around us, and they deposit information into whatever is near. It would follow then that the things that are nearest us most often would hold the largest and richest wealths of our experiences.

My truck is officially dead. It needs about $2000 worth of work, which I cannot afford. It's also not really worth $2000 as a vehicle anyways. That's what's called being totaled. Despite my best attempts to not become attached to the things that I own and buy, I have a major attachment to the truck. I keep trying to justify this by remembering all the specific moments in it: learning to drive stick, driving to the darkest spot on the interstate with Julee, finding various trailheads, it getting stolen four times and always finding its way back to me, et cetera. But these seem like veils. This truck is a connection to something for me. My past, maybe? It occurred to me recently that for the first time in my life, I can remember 10 years ago. That scared me. Then the phrase "He didn't make it, not everyone makes it through" came into my head (that phrase comes into my mind all the time). Then I realized that it is likely that there will come a time in my life that I will have lost all of the things that remind me of my childhood or adolescence. That is a sad thought. All of the physical reminders of an important part of my life gone? Where do they all go? Do we just not notice as they leave us, since they generally leave us one at a time?

With the departure of my truck (Birdie), I anticipate perhaps the arrival of a new vehicle. I'm excited about the possible change, but I feel like I'm turning my back on an old friend. The truck is fixable, after all. I just can't afford it. It's going to the scrapyard most likely. It's going to end up a thousand different pieces in a thousand different cars. That's a thousand pieces of me spread around the world in the most cruel and random of ways. Should I worry that I'm losing memories?

“I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.”
-Stephen Wright

“The will is never free -- it is always attached to an object, a purpose. It is simply the engine in the car -- it can't steer.”
-Joyce Cary

“Without struggle, no progress and no result. Every breaking of habit produces a change in the machine.”
-George Gurdjieff

“I think that it's possible to study human intelligence, to know what it's made up of, to break it down into modules in a sense, and then -- little by little -- to build those modules into machines.”
-Justine Cassell

On Why I'm So Manly

Adam picked me up around 11:40 or so and we went to GETINTHEZONEAUTOZONE, then he dropped me off at my truck, which was sitting in a pile of its own shame in the Pei Wei parking lot. I replaced the fuel filter, but that didn't fix it, so I called the shop and had them send a tow truck. Blah blah blah, now here is why I am manly:

I wore my fake Dickies Jacket, which still has some cologne on it from the last time I used it. Then, I got gasoline smell all over me from changing the fuel filter. THEN, I got into the tow truck and the driver smoked. So I am a combination smell of cologne, gasoline, and cigarettes. How sexy is THAT?

“Smell that! That's gasoline you smell in there. You can't buy any perfume in the world that smells as sweet.”

William K. Whiteford

New Battery

http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2008/january9/nanowire-010908.html

Researcher dude designs new battery with 10 times the capacity of Li-Ion batteries. Also, his design doesn't degrade like Li-Ion batteries do. This is awesome. It changes quite a lot, and makes completely battery powered cars a very real possibility. However, as noted on Towleroad, where I found the article, American legislators will probably try to block this amazing invention here in order to benefit big oil and US automakers. Kind of like the electric car that mysteriously disappeared a few years back that showed immense levels of promise. Who DID kill the electric car? Ted Kennedy, that's who. Actually, I have no idea. But it probably WAS him. I'll bet he drove it off a bridge somewhere.

“I think this adenovirus technology is like the electric car. We all know that sooner or later we will drive an electric car. The technology just isn't quite there yet. But soon we will all be driving one.”

Andrea Gambotto

How Many 5yr Olds Could YOU Beat Up?

29

Looking for payday loans?

Nice site. Credit to Arjewtino (arjewtino.blogspot.com) for the find.

“A young and vital child knows no limit to his own will, and it is the only reality to him. It is not that he wants at the outset to fight other wills, but that they simply do not exist for him. Like the artist, he goes forth to the work of creation, gloriously alone.”

Jane Harrison

A Broken Engine

I left the church around 8:30, maybe later. I went straight to the gas station so that I could get that damn fuel light to stop bothering me. Forty dollars. Pei Wei was still open, so I called in an order for most delicious Honey Seared Tofu on Brown Rice, and two Spring Rolls. Ten dollars. I return to my truck, my baby. The food sits patiently in the passenger seat waiting for my attention. I turn the key, hoping to head home. The engine turns over, chokes, dies. I turn the key again. Turn, choke, die. I turn it again, and press some gas. Turn, choke, die. The pedal didn't activate any response. No gas is flowing. I know I have gas. The gas cap is on. Sounds like a fuel filter. Adam took me home, because Louis was asleep. I am home now, no vehicle and no food (I ate the spring rolls while waiting for Adam, and the tofu when I got home). I ate my last bread and fruit yesterday for breakfast. Said I'd go shopping that day. Never did. I have shopping to do. Christmas as well. Anyways, I need a ride to GetInTheZoneAutoZone to pick up a new filter, and then a ride to my truck. They can leave me there. I'll replace it, and hopefully that will work. If it doesn't, I'll call Adam again, and have the truck towed to Sun Devil Auto. I miss my baby.

“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Dexedrine/Food Interactions

From Food Medication Interactions 14th Edition:

pg119
Dexedrine ANTI-ADHD, ANTINARCOLEPSY See lising for Amphetamines p 37

Amphetamines
Adderall/Adderall XR (dextroamphetamine & amphetamine)
Adderall (Tab- sucrose, lactose, cornstarch)
Adderall XR (Cap- sugar spheres [sucrose & starch], Kosher gelatin)
Dexedrine (dextroamphetamine Spansule (SR)-cetyal alcohol, sugar spheres [sucrose & starch] Tab- lactose, starch, sucrose, mineral oil, tartrazine

ANTI-ADHD, ANTINARCOLEPSY, Appetite Depressant, CNS Stimulant
Drug: Swallow SR form whole early in the day. As anorectic, take 1/2-1 hr before meals. For other uses (eg ADHD) take with or after meal.
Diet: Limit caffeine, see p 442. (pg 442 is a listing of caffeine amounts in common caffeinated drinks) Avoid high dose Vitamin C. Acidifying agents decrease absorption, increase excretion, & decrease half life of the drug. Alkalinizing agents (eg Na Bicarbonate, CaCO3, antacids) increase absorption, decrease excretion, & increase half life. As an anorectic, low calorie diet is essential.
Nutr: (This section is hard to explain without having the actual book in hand, and it doesn't mention anything pertinent to this post, so I'm leaving it out)
Oral/GI: Dry Mouth, metallic taste, stomach pain/cramps, nausea, diarrhea, constipation.
Special Conditions: Avoid alcohol. Not with lactation. Caution with hypertension. May be habit forming. Caution with seizures. Caution with geriatric.
Pregnancy: Category C (Category C is the FDA pregnancy category relating to this drug. Cat C specifically means that animal studies have shown adverse effects on fetus, but there are no controlled studies in women. Drugs in this category are given only if potential justifies risk to fetus)
Other: Palpitations, restlessness, tremor, increased blood pressure, nervousness, chills, dizziness, insomnia, blurred vision, tachycardia, headache, increased sweating, motor or verbal tics, euphoria, diskinesia, over stimulation.
Blood/Serum: Increased corticosteroids, Increased T4 with heavy use.
Urinary: False steroid results.
Monitor: Blood pressure. Children's growth.



Okay, so as you can see, it doesn't say anywhere "No Fruit Juice." It DOES say to avoid things with high vitamin C, and implies that you should avoid acidifying agents. This means that there are certain juices you should avoid completely (probably like Orange Juice, and most citrus juices), but there ARE others that are conceivable choices. Most fruit does have high vitamin C content, but some are not super crazy. Don't just go out and buy these, but look into blueberry juice, pomegranate juice, and cranberry juice as possible safe alternatives. I am going to have to find a different text before I can say for certain what would be safe for use, but feel free to do your own research on those three as well as any others that you think may be possible choices.

Leon Reid IV

http://www.leonthe4th.com/

This dude is cool. He does public art in a variety of ways, including stealing street lamps and sign posts and stuff, bending them or adding to them or whatever, then reinstalling them. Dope.

Search Terms I

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Duffy X

So on Wednesday I'm supposed to be going to dinner with Secret Lover, Appletini, and Bre right? Remember? Awesome. Okay, so they had suggested I ask Duffy to go, and I figured "Eh, why not?" so I called her just now:

Me: Hellooooooooooooo
Her: Hi (or something)
M: blah blah blah blah blah
H: bob loblaw lobs law bomb
>3 minutes later<
M: So what are you doing on Wednesday...are you working?
H: Wednesday, um, no. Or, well, I work in the morning
M: Oh, do you want to be my date that night?
H: Sure. Or, well, perhaps, my cousin has something that we're supposed to go to, but I don't really know.
*Okay, so she said sure immediately to my very open ended question of "want to be my date?" I'd just like to present that as evidence that she IS indeed interested, right?*
M: Oh, ok. Well, here's the deal: My two friends and I decided to take our other friend to Cheesecake Factory as a graduation gift. Long story short, it became this whole big thing, and now Appletini and Bre are bringing their fiancees and Secret Lover is bringing her boyfriend, so now I need a date.
H: Oh yeah, ok, well, I'll find out about my cousin's thing and let you know.
M: Okay, cool, I'll let you go walk your dog then I guess.
H: Byeeee
M: Byeeee

Thoughts? That sounds more receptive to me, but what do you (two) think?

"Hope springs eternal in the human breast"
-Alexander Pope,
An Essay on Man, Epistle I

(this quote is funny because duffy has big'uns that are hopeful)

Grade Update

BIO 202 Human Anat/Physiology II A 4.00
EXW 325 Fitness for Life A- 3.00
HHS 302 Evidence-Based Complementary H A 3.00
HHS 405 Seminar in Holistic Health A+ 3.00
JAC 1 Joint Admission Continuous Enr 1.00
NTR 348 Cultural Aspects of Food B+ 3.00

So that's everything except the JAC. JAC = Chemistry lab from chandler gilbert community college. That grade has to be transferred over, so that's why it's taking so long to post. I'm worried. Expecting a C or D honestly.

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner

Fair Warning: I've decided to use more nicknames and aliases, in order to protect people.

Okay, so on Wednesday night I'm going to dinner. Originally it was
Secret Lover, Appletini, and I taking Bre out to Cheesecake Factory to celebrate Breanna having graduated this semester. We ended up telling Bre to invite her fiancee Jason, which of course opened up Appletini to invite HER fiancee Big Tom. Then, somehow Secret Lover's boyfriend Mike heard about the dinner, and he wants to go, so he is too. So that's Appletini and Big Tom, Bre and Jason, Secret Lover and Mike, and me. They told me to bring someone, and they all suggested Duffy, but that seems a little weird to me for some reason. Then I was thinking Erin, but she'd probably be uncomfortable. Then I was thinking Adam, but I'd much rather bring a girl. Maybe Madame Butterfly. I fuckin' love Madame Butterfly. She is in the choir, and is just begging to be corrupted. That's sort of gross, but it's totally 100% fucking true. I may make a longer entry about her and Adam and all the hilarity therein some other day maybe. She'd be awkward to bring to the dinner though. Maybeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...hell, I don't know. Someone throw me a line here.

“The lonely one offers his hand too quickly to whomever he encounters”

-Friedrich Nietzsche

Perceptions

I wonder how far the power of perception really extends. I seem to enjoy life because of the way that I take it. I do my best to let things go that need to be let go, and I try not to focus on the negative aspect of a situation (as all situations are both positive and negative, of course). For instance, I was just talking to Ash Ash last night about my broken ankle, sort of. I used to hate the broken ankle, for derailing me, and for being the catalyst of weight gain, and for a number of other things. However, when I adjusted myself it occurred to me that I'm where I am now due to having broken the ankle. I mean, had I not ever broken my ankle I would have probably finished school as a kinesiologist and what the hell good would that have been? I mean, I love athletes, but is that really what I want to do? Study how people run and build better shoes? Examine range of motion and develop various pieces of exercise equipment? This seems fun, but unimportant to me. I needed the year off. I needed to be grounded. Now I'm on my way to a place that I know I want to be. My future doesn't worry me, and neither does my past.

"Far away
I don't care where, just far away
I don't care where, just far away
I don't care where, just far away
I don't care"

Be Quiet And Drive (Far Away) by Deftones

jeremy's blog

http://jeremygillitzer.blogspot.com/

in case you want to hear what he had to say about all sorts of stuff before he was taken by the officials

Jeremy Gillitzer

I read about Jeremy on http://www.queerty.com a while back, and was intrigued because he used to look pretty dope before he got into anorexia and bulimia, and the difference was disturbing. Well, I guess he is being held largely against his will now for treatment (he is obviously not of a right mind). I'm not sure where I stand on this. I'm very big into ownership of the body and the self, and this may be infringing on what I consider to be his rights. But he may be vulnerable to himself, so it's hard to say really. I think it's better that he is there now, but I'm not sure that I like the way that he ended up there.

interview about the whole deal @ http://www.queerty.com/health/jeremys-journey-continues-20071214/1/

BEFORE



AFTER

Duffy IX

What the FUCK?! I'm a supergenius and I'm STILL confused.







FUCK!

Grades Update

BIO 202 A
EXW 325 A-
HHS 302
HHS 405 A+
NTR 348 B+

DAMMIT YOLO!!! POST ALREADY!!!

Duffy VIII

So I was supposed to hang out with the duffster last night, but she had to open this morning, so we decided not to. Instead, we went to lunch today when she got off of work. So I drove there and picked her up and we went to Oregano's, which is always delightful. I got a big slice of pizza (thin crust cheese) and a little salad (Oregano's Favorite Jr.) that I ended up taking home. She got Alfredo the Dark which is like macaroni with a Poblano cream sauce, and shrimp. It was actually pretty good. I think it went alright, but it's hard to tell. I mean, it was lunch for Christ's sake. How sexy can lunch even BE? The answer is not very. Not very at all. However, I think that we are going to go see Juno tomorrow night, which could be VERY sexy. It's still hard to say though. I need to buy more of that Curve Soul cologne that she likes, but I'm not sure if they still make it or not. Anyways, on Friday, I may even HOLD HER HAND. Thaaaaaat's right. Take it in. Let it engulf your loins. You're hot. You're hot and you don't even know it.

"I'm hot cause I'm fly
You ain't cause you not
This is why
This is why
This is why I'm hot"

This Is Why I'm Hot by MIMS

Strange Strange Time

Sometimes I like to fantasize about not eating. At all. For long periods of time, like political statement long. Just let myself whither away. Muscle. Fat. Skin. Hair. Nails. Teeth. Let it all beg for salvation. But just let it all die. I don't think that I'D die this way, rather, I think I see it as a rebirth. A way to shed all the muscle that reminds me how strong I USED to be, and the skin that reminds me how clear it USED to be, and the fat that reminds me just how fat I AM. A way to put a pile of plates in the ground and cover it in dirt. A way to grow daisies with memories, instead of dreams. Are pain and results directly proportional? They just might be. I'm sure that all things worthwhile are painful, but I'm not yet positive that the most worthwhile are also the most painful. Is there any way else that I could be? I don't think so. So for the ultimate birth, I guess I'd be needing the ultimate death.

"Give me love
Give me love
Give me peace on earth
Give me light
Give me life
Keep me free from birth
Give me hope
Help me cope, with this heavy load
Trying to, touch and reach you with,
heart and soul
O(h)m my Lord...
Please take hold of my hand, that
I might understand you
Won't you please
Oh won't you"

Give Me Love by George Harrison

I sometimes wish that I could flit in and out of people's lives unquestioned. That I was able to be there for a moment, make an impact, and then float away secretly lonely. This seems impossible though, as the more that I make myself emotionally available, the more people realize how few people are willing to do this. This realization is followed usually by an immense request. That's okay, that's why I'm here. But how great would it be to be KNOWN for being absent all the time except when you need it most? Would people demand less, but expect more? I'd love that, I think.

"I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping
Still my guitar gently weeps
I don't know why nobody told you how to unfold your love
I don't know how someone controlled you
They bought and sold you.

I look at the world and I notice it's turning
While my guitar gently weeps
With every mistake we must surely be learning
Still my guitar gently weeps
I don't know how you were diverted
You were perverted too
I don't know how you were inverted
No one alerted you.

I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping
While my guitar gently weeps
Look at you all . . .
Still my guitar gently weeps."

While My Guitar Gently Weeps by George Harrison

I rarely get overwhelmed, but sometimes I feel like giving up. It seems so silly to me that nothing bad happens to ME, but instead to all of the people in my life. Is this an indication that the universe really does revolve around me? I had a decent upbringing, never really wanting much more than I got. I wasn't abused or lied to. I didn't make any major mistakes, and I wasn't the victim of someone else's. I haven't wasted love, and I realize how big that is. So why don't I have cancer? Why aren't I addicted? Why haven't I lost the love of my life? What's the deal? Is this all build up until the major event that will truly destroy me? When it gets to be too much, I like to think that I have a strategy, but it mostly involves trying not to cry, even if I'm sitting alone.

"Once there was a way to get back homeward
Once there was a way to get back home
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby

Golden slumbers fill your eyes
Smiles awake you when you rise
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby

Once there was a way to get back homeward
Once there was a way to get back home
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullaby"

Golden Slumbers by The Beatles

I really like when sitcoms have dramatic episodes. For instance, I love the episodes of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air when Will's dad shows up and gets back into Will's heart, only to break it again at the end. In all honesty, and at the risk of sounding like a geek, this was the episode that proved Will Smith's acting ability. At the end, he breaks down, and everytime I watch it, I still secretly cry. The only thing that has changed since the first time that I saw it is that if I'm alone I'm not ashamed to cry. The series finale of Roseanne is also excellent. In the last season or so, the show gets really weird. They win the lottery, Roseanne/Jackie's mom comes out as a lesbian, Dan has a heart attack, Jackie starts dating the Prince of Moldavia, Dan cheats on Roseanne, Darlene and David's baby is delivered premature and is supposed to die but lives. So anyways, it sounded really like the show had jumped the shark, but the last episode reveals that the season was a creation of the character of Roseanne, who took up writing as a coping strategy after Dan's heart attack, which he actually died from. The rest of the season is basically her way of running away or fantasizing, which is why so much great stuff happened. What really happened is: Jackie is a lesbian, her mother is not, Dan died from his heart attack, Darlene's baby (with Mark, not David) was delivered premature and somehow survived, Becky had gotten together with David, and Roseanne had begun writing. Anyways, in the series finale, when she exposes all of this, she comes to the point of telling about Dan dying and she almost starts crying, and I almost do as well. There was also an earlier episode I think where Dan's dad dies or something, and Dan cries, and it's pretty hard for me to watch as well. Now that I think about it, there was another episode of Fresh Prince that makes me cry, but I can't remember what it was. There was an episode of Scrubs that did as well, but I can't quite remember it well enough at this point to talk about it. Maybe I'll make a post of the things that have made me cry in my life. I can probably remember just about all of them. Here's a teaser: Fresh Prince, Roseanne, Julee, Paul, Magnolia, Armageddon, About Schmidt, Castaway, and some other stuff as well.

"Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither wildly as they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind,
Possessing and caressing me.
Jai guru deva, om,
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes,
They call me on and on across the universe,
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box
They tumble blindly as they make their way
Across the universe
Jai guru deva, om,
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Sounds of laughter shades of life are ringing
Through my opened ears inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying Love which shines around me like a
million suns, It calls me on and on
Across the universe
Jai guru deva, om,
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Nothing's gonna change my world.

Jai guru deva
Jai guru deva
Jai guru deva
Jai guru deva"

Across the Universe by The Beatles

Paper Bag

I was staring at the sky
Just looking for a star
To pray on, or wish on
Or something like that

I was having a sweet fix
Of a daydream of a boy
Whose reality I knew
Was a hopeless to be had

But then the dove of hope began its downward slope
And I believed for a moment that my chances were
Approaching to be grabbed
But as it came down near, so did a weary tear
I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

And I went crazy again today, looking for a strand to climb
Looking for a little hope
Baby said he couldn't stay put, wouldn't put his lips to mine,
And a fail to kiss is a fail to cope

And I said, "Honey, I don't feel so good, don't feel justified
Come on put a little love here in my void"
He said, "It's all in your head"
And I said, "So's everything'" but he didn't get it
I thought he was a man but he was just a little boy

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

Hunger hurts, but I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold because these hands are just too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

Oh hunger hurts, but I want him so bad, oh it kills
Because I know that I'm a mess that he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold because these hands are just too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving it works, when it costs too much to love

Duffy a no go

Duffy's a non viable option tonight. She has to open tomorrow morning (aka wake up at 4:30), so I told her never mind. We are going to go to lunch though I think. We'll see what happens. Updates to come as necessary. Erin never called me back.

Grade Update

BIO 202
EXW 325 A-
HHS 302
HHS 405 A+
JAC 1
NTR 348

Motherfucking minuses.

Leave Them, We Gotta Go

So in my efforts to be there for people, I sometimes fail. I do this mental triage thing that basically says, "Okay, so who needs the most right at this moment? Who needs the second most? Ok, go." Should the triage instead be "Who matters the most to you at this moment"? It's hard, I guess. It's hard to look at three people, decide that you only have time for two, and just hope the other one understands. Combine this with my abstract concept of time (you'll notice, if you speak to me on the phone, how rarely I can actually say what day something happened on). I find that a week passes by before I realize even a day is gone. I hope that my friends grasp this about me, and that they will grant me their patience.

I hadn't spoken to Erin for a while (relatively), and I thought that she was mad at me, because every time we DID talk, she said very little:

Me: "So how was your day?"
Erin: "Fine."
Me: "...What did you do?"
Erin: "Work."
Me: "Anything happen at work?"
Erin: "No, just work stuff."
Me: "NOTHING happened today?" (this is the point at which my sensibility demands you to recognize at least ONE positive aspect of the day, so learn to identify this question)
Erin: "NO, just work. What do you want me to say?"
Me: "I don't know, SOMETHING"
Erin: "Ok, fine, I woke up, felt like shit, drove to work, got bitched at by my boss, did everyone's work like I always do, then I left work and now I'm talking to you."
Me: "Sounds like fun"
Erin: "Yeah, it was a blast"
Me: "..."
Erin:
Me: "..."
Erin:
Me: "You alright?"
Erin: "..."
Me: "Hello??? Are you alright?"
Erin: "What? Yeah! I'm fine!"
Me: "..."
Erin: "..."

So then I was supposed to go to this Christmas Party with her, but she told me that day that I wasn't going, and that she wasn't mad at me, and that she felt like shit. I felt bad, because I knew what she was doing (thinking that she was doing me a favor by not making me go, even though I actually did want to go), and I knew that there was no way around it. I intended to call her the next day, but some shit went down with Heather, and frankly, I forgot about it. And now it's Wednesday, and I was going to call her before I did anything with Duffy, but she called me first and was pissed off that I hadn't called her. Then she either hang up on me or her phone died (her phone always dies) after I told her about the week.

I wonder if it's better to spread it out or concentrate. It's not quite the 99 vs 1 conundrum that I thought it was (100 sheep, 1 runs away, shepherd leaves the 99 to find the 1, etc etc). I'm okay with that problem, but I find this is distinctly different. This is more like I have 100 sheep on a mountain rim and 3 of them run away. Two of them run straight at a cliff that's still about a mile away, and the other one starts walking down a path into the dark valley below us. Now, do I stop the one that is easiest to stop and then hope that I still have enough time to catch up to the other two? Or do I take off after the other two knowing that it'll be hard, but ultimately possible, to eventually get the third? The choice seems obvious, but the obvious answer is not always the right one.

"But I can't do this all on my own
No, I know I'm no Superman
I'm no Superman"

Superman by Lazlo Bane

Girl for Tonight

So tonight should be really the first test of my assumption regarding Duffy (the assumption being that she is interested). She is going to call me after a little while, and we are going to do something. I have no idea what, but I'm about to clean my room/part of the house in case we end up just chilling out here. She is JUST getting over being sick, so she might not want to go anywhere that requires her to be outside (we tend to walk around shopping centers and the such), so I should probably be ready for just chillin out here. In fact, I should be cleaning now. I was going to quote Mest (hence the title of this entry), but I hate Mest. So here is one of the more hilarious lyrics ever written:

"Whitney, don't you understand that what I say is true?
I just want you to know I have a major crush on you.
I'd drive you to Las Vegas and do the things you wanna do
I'd even have Wayne Newton dedicate a song to you."

San Dimas High School Football Rules by The Ataris

Born to be a Lawyer

http://www.sullivanandcromwell.com/lawyers/detail.aspx?attorney=140

credits to barzelay.net

Johnny Five ALIVE

Took my last final. Finale ultimo. 50 questions. 8 minutes. I'm the bomb.

Here are my reported grades:

HHS405 - A+

No one else has posted any yet. Damn them.

Poor poor Pat Smear

So in working on this final homework for Bio, I wikipediaed "pap smear" and got this helpful suggestion:

"For the similarly named guitar player and actor see Pat Smear"

change your name already

Cervies pt II

Cochrane Library search terms: antioxidant AND cancer

Bioavailability and antioxidant activity of tea flavanols after consumption of green tea, black tea, or a green tea extract supplement.
Author(s) Henning SM, Niu Y, Lee NH, Thames GD, Minutti RR, Wang H, Go VL, Heber D
Source The American journal of clinical nutrition
Date of Publication 2004 Dec
Volume 80
Issue 6
Pages 1558-64
Abstract BACKGROUND: Green and black tea polyphenols have been extensively studied as cancer chemopreventive agents. Many in vitro experiments have supported their strong antioxidant activity. Additional in vivo studies are needed to examine the pharmacokinetic relation of absorption and antioxidant activity of tea polyphenols administered in the form of green or black tea or tea extract supplements. OBJECTIVE: The purpose of this study was to compare the pharmacokinetic disposition of tea polyphenols and their effect on the antioxidant capacity in plasma 8 h after a bolus consumption of either green tea, black tea, or a green tea extract supplement. DESIGN: Thirty healthy subjects were randomly assigned to 3 different sequences of green tea, black tea, or a green tea extract supplement in a 3 x 3 crossover design with a 1-wk washout period in between treatments. RESULTS: Flavanol absorption was enhanced when tea polyphenols were administered as a green tea supplement in capsule form and led to a small but significant increase in plasma antioxidant activity compared with when tea polyphenols were consumed as black tea or green tea. All 3 interventions provided similar amounts of (-)-epigallocatechin-3-gallate. CONCLUSIONS: Our observations suggest that green tea extract supplements retain the beneficial effects of green and black tea and may be used in future chemoprevention studies to provide a large dose of tea polyphenols without the side effects of caffeine associated with green and black tea beverages.

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[Enhancement of antioxidant capability of cancer patients during chemotherapy by reduced glutathione]
Author(s) Zhu BD, Li X, Zhao QC, Huang XL
Source Ai zheng = Aizheng = Chinese journal of cancer
Date of Publication 2004 Apr
Volume 23
Issue 4
Pages 452-5
Abstract BACKGROUND & OBJECTIVE: It is unknown how administration of reduced glutathione (GSH) affects chemotherapy of cancer patients. This study was designed to investigate the effect of GSH on lipid peroxidation, and activities of antioxidant enzyme among cancer patients with chemotherapy. METHODS: Sixty-two cancer patients with chemotherapy were enrolled randomly into AB or BA group in cross-over pattern. In AB group, combination of chemotherapy and GSH was administrated first, then following chemotherapy alone was given 21 or 28 days later. In group BA, chemotherapy alone was administrated first, then the combination therapy was given. Duration of chemotherapy was 2-5 days, 21-28 days for a cycle, depended on chemotherapy strategies. GSH was given as a 15 minute intravenous infusion at the dose of 1 500 mgx(m(2)xd)(-1) for 7 days from day 1. Serum samples were collected from the patients on the day just before the chemotherapy, the 7(th) day, and the 21(st) (if 21 days per cycle of the chemotherapy) or 28(th) day of treatment. Concentration of malondialdehyde (MDA), activity of glutathione peroxidase (GSH-Px), and total superoxide dismutase (T-SOD) of serum samples were analyzed biochemically. RESULTS:(1)Administration of chemotherapy significantly increased serum MDA level on the 7(th) day compared with that before chemotherapy (mean+/-SD,6.12+/-1.94 micromol/L versus 4.63+/-1.87 micromol/L,P< 0.01). The increased serum MDA level was restored partially (5.05+/-2.07)micromol/L on the 21(th) or 28(th) day, but still higher than that before chemotherapy (P< 0.05). (2)Serum activity of T-SOD and GSH-Px decreased on the 7(th) day (P< 0.01) and restored partially on the 21(th) or 28th day, but still lower than that before chemotherapy (T-SOD, P< 0.05;GSH-Px,P< 0.01).(3)Co-treatment of GSH prevents lipid peroxidation and depletion of antioxidant enzymes by chemotherapy partially but significantly (P< 0.01). (4)Similar results were obtained in both AB group and BA group. CONCLUSION: Chemotherapy depletes antioxidant capability of cancer patients and co- treatment of GSH might prevent such depletion.

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Ganoderma lucidum ("Lingzhi"), a Chinese medicinal mushroom: biomarker responses in a controlled human supplementation study.
Comments Comment in: Br J Nutr. 2004 Feb;91(2):171-3. PMID: 14756900.
Author(s) Wachtel-Galor S, Tomlinson B, Benzie IF
Source The British journal of nutrition
Date of Publication 2004 Feb
Volume 91
Issue 2
Pages 263-9
Abstract Lingzhi (Ganoderma lucidum) is a woody mushroom highly regarded in traditional medicine and is widely consumed in the belief that it promotes health and longevity, lowers the risk of cancer and heart disease and boosts the immune system. However, objective scientific validation of the putative health benefits of Lingzhi in human subjects is lacking, and issues of possible toxicity must be addressed. The present double-blinded, placebo-controlled, cross-over intervention study investigated the effects of 4 weeks Lingzhi supplementation on a range of biomarkers for antioxidant status, CHD risk, DNA damage, immune status, and inflammation, as well as markers of liver and renal toxicity. It was performed as a follow-up to a study that showed that antioxidant power in plasma increased after Lingzhi ingestion, and that 10 d supplementation was associated with a trend towards an improved CHD biomarker profile. In the present study, fasting blood and urine from healthy, consenting adults (n 18; aged 22-52 years) was collected before and after 4 weeks supplementation with a commercially available encapsulated Lingzhi preparation (1.44 g Lingzhi/d; equivalent to 13.2 g fresh mushroom/d) or placebo. No significant change in any of the variables was found, although a slight trend toward lower lipids was again seen, and antioxidant capacity in urine increased. The results showed no evidence of liver, renal or DNA toxicity with Lingzhi intake, and this is reassuring. The present study of the effects in healthy, well-nourished subjects provides useful, new scientific data that will support controlled intervention trials using at-risk subjects in order to assess the therapeutic effect of Lingzhi in the promotion of healthy ageing.

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A randomized trial of antioxidant vitamins to prevent second primary cancers in head and neck cancer patients.
Comments Comment in: J Natl Cancer Inst. 2005 Apr 6;97(7):468-70. PMID: 15812064.
Author(s) Bairati I, Meyer F, Gélinas M, Fortin A, Nabid A, Brochet F, Mercier JP, Têtu B, Harel F, Mâsse B, Vigneault E, Vass S, del Vecchio P, Roy J
Source Journal of the National Cancer Institute
Date of Publication 2005 Apr
Volume 97
Issue 7
Pages 481-8
Abstract BACKGROUND: Although low dietary intakes of antioxidant vitamins and minerals have been associated with higher risks of cancer, results of trials testing antioxidant supplementation for cancer chemoprevention have been equivocal. We assessed whether supplementation with antioxidant vitamins could reduce the incidence of second primary cancers among patients with head and neck cancer. METHODS: We conducted a multicenter, double-blind, placebo-controlled, randomized chemoprevention trial among 540 patients with stage I or II head and neck cancer treated by radiation therapy between October 1, 1994, and June 6, 2000. Supplementation with alpha-tocopherol (400 IU/day) and beta-carotene (30 mg/day) or placebo began on the first day of radiation therapy and continued for 3 years after the end of radiation therapy. In the course of the trial, beta-carotene supplementation was discontinued after 156 patients had enrolled because of ethical concerns. The remaining patients received alpha-tocopherol or placebo only. Survival was evaluated by Kaplan-Meier analysis. Cox proportional hazards models were used to estimate hazard ratios (HRs) and 95% confidence intervals (CIs). All statistical tests were two-sided. RESULTS: After a median follow-up of 52 months, second primary cancers and recurrences of the first tumor were diagnosed in 113 and 119 participants, respectively. The effect of supplementation on the incidence of second primary cancers varied over time. Compared with patients receiving placebo, patients receiving alpha-tocopherol supplements had a higher rate of second primary cancers during the supplementation period (HR = 2.88, 95% CI = 1.56 to 5.31) but a lower rate after supplementation was discontinued (HR = 0.41, 95% CI = 0.16 to 1.03). Similarly, the rate of having a recurrence or second primary cancer was higher during (HR = 1.86, 95% CI = 1.27 to 2.72) but lower after (HR = 0.71, 95% CI = 0.33 to 1.53) supplementation with alpha-tocopherol. The proportion of participants free of second primary cancer overall after 8 years of follow-up was similar in both arms. CONCLUSIONS: alpha-Tocopherol supplementation produced unexpected adverse effects on the occurrence of second primary cancers and on cancer-free survival.

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The SU.VI.MAX Study: a randomized, placebo-controlled trial of the health effects of antioxidant vitamins and minerals.
Comments Erratum in: Arch Intern Med. 2005 Feb 14;165(3):286.
Author(s) Hercberg S, Galan P, Preziosi P, Bertrais S, Mennen L, Malvy D, Roussel AM, Favier A, Briançon S
Source Archives of internal medicine
Date of Publication 2004 Nov
Volume 164
Issue 21
Pages 2335-42
Abstract BACKGROUND: It has been suggested that a low dietary intake of antioxidant vitamins and minerals increases the incidence rate of cardiovascular disease and cancer. To date, however, the published results of randomized, placebo-controlled trials of supplements containing antioxidant nutrients have not provided clear evidence of a beneficial effect. We tested the efficacy of nutritional doses of supplementation with a combination of antioxidant vitamins and minerals in reducing the incidence of cancer and ischemic cardiovascular disease in the general population. METHODS: The Supplementation en Vitamines et Mineraux Antioxydants (SU.VI.MAX) study is a randomized, double-blind, placebo-controlled primary prevention trial. A total of 13 017 French adults (7876 women aged 35-60 years and 5141 men aged 45-60 years) were included. All participants took a single daily capsule of a combination of 120 mg of ascorbic acid, 30 mg of vitamin E, 6 mg of beta carotene, 100 mug of selenium, and 20 mg of zinc, or a placebo. Median follow-up time was 7.5 years. RESULTS: No major differences were detected between the groups in total cancer incidence (267 [4.1%] for the study group vs 295 [4.5%] for the placebo group), ischemic cardiovascular disease incidence (134 [2.1%] vs 137[2.1%]), or all-cause mortality (76 [1.2%] vs 98 [1.5%]). However, a significant interaction between sex and group effects on cancer incidence was found (P = .004). Sex-stratified analysis showed a protective effect of antioxidants in men (relative risk, 0.69 [95% confidence interval [CI], 0.53-0.91]) but not in women (relative risk, 1.04 [95% CI, 0.85-1.29]). A similar trend was observed for all-cause mortality (relative risk, 0.63 [95% CI, 0.42-0.93] in men vs 1.03 [95% CI, 0.64-1.63] in women; P = .11 for interaction). CONCLUSIONS: After 7.5 years, low-dose antioxidant supplementation lowered total cancer incidence and all-cause mortality in men but not in women. Supplementation may be effective in men only because of their lower baseline status of certain antioxidants, especially of beta carotene.

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related to above article
Antioxidant status and risk of cancer in the SU.VI.MAX study: is the effect of supplementation dependent on baseline levels?
Author(s) Galan P, Briançon S, Favier A, Bertrais S, Preziosi P, Faure H, Arnaud J, Arnault N, Czernichow S, Mennen L, Hercberg S
Source The British journal of nutrition
Date of Publication 2005 Jul
Volume 94
Issue 1
Pages 125-32
Abstract The SUpplementation en VItamines et Mineraux AntioXydants (SU.VI.MAX) study, a randomised double-blind, primary-prevention trial showed that after 7.5 years, low-dose antioxidant supplementation lowered the total cancer incidence in men, but not in women. To explain this difference in the impact of antioxidant supplementation in men and women, we hypothesised that the effect of supplementation is dependent on initial antioxidant status; 12 741 French adults (7713 females aged 35--60 years; 5028 males aged 45--60 years) received daily antioxidant supplementation (120 mg vitamin C, 30 mg vitamin E, 6 mg beta-carotene, 100 microg Se, 20 mg Zn daily) or a matching placebo. Cut-off limits for baseline serum concentrations of the different antioxidant vitamins and minerals were defined as follows for both men and women: 0.3 micromol/l for beta-carotene, 11.4 micromol/l for vitamin C, 15 micromol/l for vitamin E, 0.75 micromol/l for Se and 10.7 micromol/l for Zn. The percentage of men with serum concentrations under cut-off limits was higher for vitamins C and E and beta-carotene in those who developed a cancer than in those who did not. The risk of cancer was higher in men with baseline concentrations of serum vitamin C or vitamin E under cut-off limits, but not in women. The effect of supplementation was greater in men with baseline serum concentrations of vitamin C, vitamin E and beta-carotene below the cut-off limits compared with those above it. This effect was maintained only for vitamin E after adjustment for age, tobacco, and alcohol consumption and BMI. No effect of supplementation could be seen in women. Baseline antioxidant status is related to the risk of cancer in men but not in women and therefore does not entirely explain the differences observed in the effect of antioxidant supplementation on cancer risk between sexes in the SU.VI.MAX study.

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Effect of bitter melon (Momordica charantia Linn) on level and function of natural killer cells in cervical cancer patients with radiotherapy.
Author(s) Pongnikorn S, Fongmoon D, Kasinrerk W, Limtrakul PN
Source Journal of the Medical Association of Thailand = Chotmaihet thangphaet
Date of Publication 2003 Jan
Volume 86
Issue 1
Pages 61-8
Abstract Cervical cancer patients have a defective immune system. There is a decrease of total white blood cell count including lymphocytes and natural killer (NK) cells. NK cells, one type of lymphocytes, play a role to eliminate cancer cells by antibody dependent cell mediated cytotoxicity (ADCC) mechanism. Previous studies have shown that P-glycoprotein (170 kDa, transmembrane protein) may be a transporter for cytokine releasing in ADCC mechanism. This study proposed to explore the role of bitter melon intake in cervical cancer patients undergoing normal treatment (radiotherapy). Subjects were divided into three groups: 1) normal control (women 35-55 years, n = 35), 2) patient control (n = 30) and 3) patient treatment (n = 30) groups. Patient control and patient treatment groups were cervical cancer patients (stage II or III) treated with radiotherapy (without or with bitter melon ingestion). Blood samples of patient control and patient treatment groups were analyzed for NK cells percentage and P-glycoprotein level. Bitter melon is a Thai herb. Previous studies have shown that bitter melon can stimulate lymphocyte activity in vitro and in vivo (mouse). The authors hope that bitter melon could stimulate the increase of NK cells percentage and P-glycoprotein level on the membrane in blood samples from cervical cancer patients who ingest bitter melon. The results showed an increased percentage of NK cells in patient control and patient treatment groups. The increase in each group is significant (p < 0.05) when compared with the percentage of NK cells from second and third blood sampling time (after radiation with of without bitter melon intake for 45 and 90 days) with first blood sampling time (before treatment). The results also show a significant decrease of P-glycoprotein level (p < 0.05) in second and third blood sampling times when compared with first blood sampling time of the patient treatment group. There was no significant difference of P-glycoprotein (P-gp) level from first, second and third blood sampling times in patient control group. Bitter melon ingestion did not affect NK cell level but it affected the decrease of P-gp level on NK cell membrane.

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more to come still

"Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.”
- August Wilson

No Shoes Lyrics

No Shoes

(Written by Paranoid Lary, As performed by the Roches)


One, Two Three, Four

I had no shoes
And I complained until I met a man
Who had no feet
That's really beat

I had no feet
And I complained until I met a man
Who had no knees
That was his disease

I had no knees
And I complained until I met a man
And you know what?
He had no butt

I had no butt
And I complained about it all
And then I met a man
Who had no balls

I had no balls
And I complained until I met a man
Who had no guts
No balls, no butt, and now no guts

I had no guts
And I complained until I met a man
Who had no heart
The most important part

I had no heart
And I complained, I did not understand
And then I met a man
Who had no hands

I had no hands
And I complained until I met a man
Who was a wreck
He had no neck

I had no neck
And I complained until I met a man
Who had no chin
Some folks lose, some folks win (Ahhhh)

I had no chin
And I complained until I met a man
Who had no nose
That really blows

I had no nose
And I complained until I met a man
Who never cries
He had no eyes

I had no eyes
And I complained until I met a man
Who felt no pain
He had no brain

I had no brain
And I complained until I met a man
Who had no head
As good as dead

I had no head
And I complained until I met a man
Who had no hair
There was nothing there

I had no hair
And I complained until I met a man
Who had no hat
Picture that. Not even a hat (Ahhhh)

I had no hat (had no hat? no hat!)
And I complained until I met a man
Who had no sky (no sky)
No reason why

I had no sky (why?)
And I complained until I met a man
Who had no stars (he had no stars?)
No Venus or Mars (no Venus or Mars?)

And not any stars!

I had no stars
And I complained until I met a man
Who had no God
That's rather odd

I had no God
And I complained until I met a man
Who had no faith
Nothing just in case

I had no faith
And I complained until I met a man
Who had no love
Nothing to dream of

I had no love
And I complained until I met a man
Who had no hope
At the end of his rope

I had no hope
And I complained until I met a man
Who had no luck
That really sucks

I had no luck
And I complained that I had nothing left to lose
And then I met a man
Who had no shoes... (Ahhhh)

Cervies

National Cancer Institute, US National Institutes of Health "General Information About Cervical Cancer"
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/pdq/treatment/cervical/Patient/page1

------------------------------------------

American Cancer Society "What Is Cervical Cancer?"
http://www.cancer.org/docroot/CRI/content/CRI_2_4_1X_What_is_cervical_cancer_8.asp

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A Major Constituent of Green Tea, EGCG, Inhibits the Growth of a Human Cervical Cancer Cell Line, CaSki Cells, through Apoptosis, G1 Arrest, and Regulation of Gene Expression
http://www.liebertonline.com/doi/abs/10.1089/104454903321655846?cookieSet=1&journalCode=dna

(You can buy green tea extract caps that have a shit ton of EGCG in them)

------------------------------------------

Surgery for cervical intraepithelial neoplasia

PL Martin-Hirsch, E Paraskevaidis, H Kitchener

Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews 2007 Issue 4
Copyright © 2007 The Cochrane Collaboration. Published by John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.
DOI: 10.1002/14651858.CD001318 This version first published online: 26 July 1999 in Issue 3, 1999
Date of Most Recent Substantive Amendment: 19 May 1999

This record should be cited as: Martin-Hirsch PL, Paraskevaidis E, Kitchener H. Surgery for cervical intraepithelial neoplasia. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews 1999, Issue 3. Art. No.: CD001318. DOI: 10.1002/14651858.CD001318.

Abstract

Background
Cervical intra-epithelial neoplasia is treated by local ablation or lower morbidity excision techniques. Choice of treatment depends on the severity of the disease.

Objectives
The objective of this review was to assess the effects of alternative surgical treatments for cervical intra-epithelial neoplasia.

Search strategy
We searched the Cochrane Gynaecological Cancer Group trials register and MEDLINE up to July 1997. Update: in July 2004 a further search was conducted.

Selection criteria
Randomised and quasi-randomised trials of alternative surgical treatments in women with cervical intra-epithelial neoplasia.

Data collection and analysis
Trial quality was assessed and two reviewers abstracted data independently.

Main results
Twenty eight trials were included. Seven surgical techniques were tested in various comparisons. No significant difference in eradication of disease was shown, other than between laser ablation and loop excision. This was based on one trial where the quality of randomisation was doubtful. Large loop excision of the transformation zone appeared to provide the most reliable specimens for histology with the least morbidity. Morbidity was lower than with laser conisation, although all five trials did not provide data for every outcome. There were not enough data to assess the effect on morbidity compared with laser ablation.

Authors' conclusions
The evidence suggests that there is no obviously superior surgical technique for treating cervical intra-epithelial neoplasia.

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Cochrane Library search terms "cancer alternative medicine"

Randomized trial of neoadjuvant chemotherapy comparing paclitaxel, ifosfamide, and cisplatin with ifosfamide and cisplatin followed by radical surgery in patients with locally advanced squamous cell cervical carcinoma: the SNAP01 (Studio Neo-Adjuvante Portio) Italian Collaborative Study.

Author(s) Buda A, Fossati R, Colombo N, Fei F, Floriani I, Gueli Alletti D, Katsaros D, Landoni F, Lissoni A, Malzoni C, Sartori E, Scollo P, Torri V, Zola P, Mangioni C

Source Journal of clinical oncology : official journal of the American Society of Clinical Oncology
Date of Publication 2005 Jun
Volume 23
Issue 18
Pages 4137-45

Abstract PURPOSE: Neoadjuvant chemotherapy may represent an alternative to irradiation in locally advanced squamous cell cervical cancer. Aims of this study were to compare a three-drug (paclitaxel, ifosfamide, and cisplatin [TIP]) with a two-drug (ifosfamide and cisplatin [IP]) regimen and to assess the prognostic value of pathologic response on survival. PATIENTS AND METHODS: Patients (n = 219) were randomly assigned to ifosfamide 5 g/m(2) during 24 hours plus cisplatin 75 mg/m(2), or paclitaxel 175 mg/m(2) plus ifosfamide 5 g/m(2) during 24 hours and cisplatin 75 mg/m(2) every 3 weeks for three courses. RESULTS: Grades 3 to 4 neutropenia, anemia, and thrombocytopenia were more frequent with TIP. We recorded four deaths related to toxicity. The optimal pathologic response (OPT) rate (residual disease < 3 mm stromal invasion) was higher with TIP than with IP (48% v 23%; odds ratio, 3.22; 95% CI, 1.69 to 5.88; P = .0003). At a median follow-up of 43.4 months, 79 women experienced disease progression or died (46 in the IP arm, 33 in the TIP arm). Patients receiving TIP experienced a treatment failure rate 25% less than those receiving IP, but this difference was not statistically significant (hazard ratio [HR], 0.75; 95% CI, 0.48 to 1.17; P = .20). Sixty-one patients died (37 in the IP arm, 24 in the TIP arm), and the HR of death was in favor of TIP, although not significantly (HR, 0.66; 95% CI, 0.39 to 1.10; P = .11). In patients assessable for response (n = 189), the average death rates were higher in the group that did not achieve OPT (HR, 5.88; 95% CI, 2.50 to 13.84; P < .0001). CONCLUSION: The TIP regimen is associated with a higher response rate than the IP regimen, without a statistically significant effect on overall survival. OPT was a prognostic factor for survival.

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Neoadjuvant chemotherapy and radical surgery versus exclusive radiotherapy in locally advanced squamous cell cervical cancer: results from the Italian multicenter randomized study.

J Clin Oncol. 2002 Jun 15;20(12):2908-9; author reply 2809-10. PMID: 12065571.
Author(s) Benedetti-Panici P, Greggi S, Colombo A, Amoroso M, Smaniotto D, Giannarelli D, Amunni G, Raspagliesi F, Zola P, Mangioni C, Landoni F
Source Journal of clinical oncology : official journal of the American Society of Clinical Oncology
Date of Publication 2002 Jan
Volume 20
Issue 1
Pages 179-88

Abstract PURPOSE: Neoadjuvant chemotherapy (NACT) and radical surgery (RS) have emerged as a possible alternative to conventional radiation therapy (RT) in locally advanced cervical carcinoma. In 1990, a phase III trial was undertaken to verify such a hypothesis in terms of survival and treatment-related morbidity. PATIENTS AND METHODS: Patients with squamous cell, International Federation of Gynecology and Obstetrics stage IB2 to III cervical cancer were eligible for the study. They received cisplatin-based NACT followed by RS (type III to V radical hysterectomy plus systematic pelvic lymphadenectomy) (arm A) or external-beam RT (45 to 50 Gy) followed by brachyradiotherapy (20 to 30 Gy) (arm B). RESULTS: Of 441 patients randomly assigned to NACT+RS or RT, eligibility was confirmed in 210 and 199 patients, respectively. Treatment was administered according to protocol in 76% of arm A patients and 72% of arm B patients. Adjuvant treatment was delivered in 48 operated patients (29%). There was no evidence for any significant excess of severe morbidity in one of the two arms. The 5-year overall survival (OS) and progression-free survival (PFS) rates were 58.9% and 55.4% for arm A and 44.5% and 41.3% for arm B (P =.007 and P =.02), respectively. Subgroup survival analysis shows OS and PFS rates of 64.7% and 59.7% (stage IB2-IIB, NACT+RS), 46.4% and 46.7% (stage IB2-IIB, RT) (P =.005 andP =.02), 41.6% and 41.9% (stage III, NCAT+RS), 36.7% and 36.4% (stage III, RT) (P =.36 and P =.29), respectively. Treatment had a significant impact on OS and PFS. CONCLUSION: Although significant only for the stage IB2 to IIB group, a survival benefit seems to be associated with the NACT+RS compared with conventional RT.

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to continue

"Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional."
M. Kathleen Casey

Sugar and Spice and Cool As Ice

I was going to buy her a get well card and maybe a flower, but once I got to the Hallmark store, I had to change my strategy. All of their get well cards sucked. So instead, I bought like three of those cards that play music when you open them, and two non musical cards. The music ones included a Buffy the Vampire Slayer birthday, a Grey's Anatomy "hope your life is going alright" card, and a Blazin' Saddles "you have hot tittayz" card. The other two included a fold up that had three pictures of a cat dangling from a branch, and a lame ass get well soon card with some noodle assed chicken. I wrote a tiny note in each one, and a poem in the chicken noodies one. Then I found this cute whale named "Spirtle" that made a sneezing sound, and I wrote "Get WHALE Soon!!!" on its tag thing. I threw all this shiz in a giftbag and left it at her door (she wasn't home at the time). She called me later and we spoke for like an hour or something on the phone about all sorts of crap. If I'm not in by now, then what the frik?

"With all regards,
and regardless of these cards,
I hope you feel better soon."

First Stanza, Healing Poem by Nathies

To be made of iron

I was talking to a customer who does triathlons, and we got on the subject of the Ironman. For no reason, I said, "Yeah, I'm thinking about maybe signing up for the 2009." I hadn't actually been thinking about signing up, but now that I've said it, I really AM thinking about it. I'd have like 16 months to train for it, which would mean that I'd basically have to start training like NOW.

In case you're unaware, the Ironman is a 2.4mile swim, a 112mile bike, and a 26.2mile run. Basically, it is the marathon distance equivalent for every one of the disciplines. All in a row. The fastest people finish around 8.5 hours, and the cutoff time is usually 17 hours.

This would be the biggest physical commitment of my life up to this point.

I'm afraid to do it.

Reverie and Revulsion

Becca says that I'm smitten. I might be. I must be, in fact. Is it because this is the light on the horizon of a never-ending sea? Or is it because it is the lighthouse itself? I wonder if Duffy is the direction or the destination sometimes. She seems smit-worthy, I think. Groovy. She's an individual who apologizes without sincerity for who she is only because she doesn't want to fight about it. I think that's maybe more noble than acting like what you have to say deserves to be heard all the time. She's an escapist, finding herself immersed in fake places and consequently unaware of the very real places that inspired the fictions. Is she another Julee? Someone uninitiated and young letting me take them to the room in the hospital where they were born? I'm not a doctor, but I think I know the way. I don't want to do this forever. Have I been delivered?

“Reverie is when ideas float in our mind without reflection or regard of the understanding.”
-John Locke

"To lose one's self in reverie, one must be either very happy, or very unhappy. Reverie is the child of extremes.”
-Antoine Rivarol

Duffy VII or Why Ashee Isn't the Love Doctor

So tonight was supposed to be movie night part two. Apparently we had also told Becca that we'd hang out with her. I'm tired, so here's a quick synopsis that I will expand on later:

I was supposed to pick up Duffy from her parents' house and then go to Becca's. Becca would then drive us to Pita Jungle for dinner, and then back to her house. THEN, Becca was going to go to some fashion show, and I was going to go check out Duffy's new house, and then go back to her parents' again for DVDs and TV and TnA and whatever. HOWEVER, Becca didn't go to that fashion show, and Duffy wasn't feeling too well, so we just went to Pita Jungle then back to Becca's for awhile. I took Duffy home and we swung by her new place for a quick tour as well. No go. I'm sure that last night would have been amazing had it happened.

"Don't stop believin'
Hold on to the feelin'
Streetlights people"

Don't Stop Believin' by Journey

Almost Duffy

So Ashee was chillin. We were watching Karate Cop with Louis (bext movie ever). Duffy calls and is all like "Oh, I had an idea, but nevermind," after I let Ashlee say nothing to her on my phone. I finally got her to tell me that her idea was that I go to her house and get a blow J. Nah, I'm kidding. The idea was that I go hang out with her at her house. She sounded a bit disappointed/embarrassed maybe? I'm pretty sure that i'm reading this all correctly now. She definitely sounded a little in the negative when it occurred to her that I was going to be busy. I told her that if Ashee left soon, I'd call her. Ashee stayed forever. Lol, just kidding, I don't even care. I'm gonna hang out with Duffy tomorrow instead, which will give me time to get all nice smelling, and wash some clothes.

"Just thinkin' about
Tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs,
And the sorrow
'Til there's none!"

Tomorrow from Annie

Plan for the Night

Ashlee's on her way over right now. We are going to go eat sushi. It's been a while since I've had sushi, actually. I mean, not like years or months, even. Weeks. But I think that considering that I only started eating sushi about 6 weeks ago, going a few weeks without it is more or less momentous. It didn't change my life. I sort of expected it to. I enjoy it, but it's all tofurkey to me. I know that there is something I'm missing. There has to be. Sushi isn't just cucumber, avacado, carrot, asaparagus, rice, and seaweed. Great brutes with their wasabi and soy sauce. Teriyaki for amerikans, even. I think that there is some sweet fish somewhere. White flesh with no bones. I have a collection of fish bones that I'm looking to get rid of.

Heroes: Blue Planet Runners

from blueplanetrun.org/run :

The Blue Planet Run covered 15,200 miles, across 16 countries and 3 continents, 24 hours a day for 95 days to deliver an extremely urgent and important message: we can and must begin today to alleviate the catastrophic burden placed on over a billion people who, every day, must drink unsafe local water, or travel long distances on foot to search for safe water for themselves and their families.

Starting in New York City on June 1, 2007, a team of "20 ordinary male and female athletes doing extraordinary things" ran around the clock along a route that included the U.S., Ireland, the U.K., France, Belgium, the Netherlands, Germany, Austria, the Czech Republic, Poland, Belarus, Russia, Mongolia, China, Japan and Canada. Each runner sprinted 10 miles a day. The Baton was passed at more than1,500 exchange points. The Run ended back in New York City, on September 4, 2007. Each exchange point and heartfelt moment was captured in the media, fueled by well-organized events in major cities and an international PR campaign. The run was made possible by the generous support of the Dow Chemical Company as the Presenting Sponsor.

The movement began with a step, followed by millions more.

20 international runners, 24 hours a day, 95 days, 15,200 miles, 26.7 million strides
to deliver the message, on foot, hand to hand, face to face, step by step, drop by drop ...
and we will continue until everyone has safe drinking water.

Heroes: Scott Rigsby

In high school, an accident caused the amputation of one of Scott Rigsby's legs. He went through a whole bunch of surgeries to save the other leg, only to eventually have it voluntarily amputated because the surgeries were only mildly successful. He worked his way through a number of prosthetics, and has finally landed some sweet carbon fiber looking things. He now races marathons and triathlons, and became the first double amputee to complete an Ironman Triathlon (2.4mile swim, 112mile bike ride, 26.2mile run). He was previously the first double amputee to complete an Olympic distance triathlon, as well as a Half-Ironman.

Julee's Birthday

It's Julee's 21st birthday. She invited me to dinner with her and her OPA girls, but I told her I didn't want to go. I got her the Nick Drake boxset and a Busdriver cd. We're still friends, and neither of those things has sentimental connection, so eat me.





"There's a new sensation
Sweeping all the nation
And they're calling it
Bare ballin it, bare ballin it"

Bare Ballin' by John Mayer

Faces I Love Part I

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Duffy VI

So I just had a particularly tasty encounter with Duffy.

Here's the day leading up to it:
9:00am...Wake up.
9:00am-11:00am...Watch various judge TV shows (Mathis, Milian, etc).
11:0am-12:00pm...Deal with delinquent Sparkletts account.
12:00pm...Go get Oregano's Favorite Jr. salad and Bollo pasta.
12:30pm-2:00pm...Eat Oregano's Favorite Jr. salad and half of Bollo pasta. Update blog.
2:10pm...Should take leftovers downstairs before I leave to run.
2:15pm...Leave for run. Didn't take leftovers downstairs.
4:00pm...Get back from run, realize that leftovers were left in room. Update blog.
4:05pm...Realize that I have a final at 4:30.
4:10pm-4:20pm...Take shower/get ready for class. Decide to take leftovers downstairs on way out to class.
4:21pm...Leave for class, don't take leftovers downstairs.
4:35pm-5:35pm...Arrive at class, take final, get A in class.
5:35pm-6:15pm...Hang out with Anna and Stephanie after class. Stephanie reacts whenever I talk about other girls. She still has hidden feelings for me, I think. I'll make an entry about her some other time.
6:15pm...Drive to Coffee Bean to pick up tips, maybe see Duffy.
6:18pm...Realize that Duffy opens on Mondays, and won't be there; sadness washes over me.
6:28m...Arrive at Coffee Bean.
6:28:30pm...See Duffy walking out of Coffee Bean in street clothes.
6:29pm...

Duffy: Hey!
Me: Helloooooo, what's goin' on? *I have this supremely creepy way that I say "hello" to Duffy*
D: Nothin'. Just goin' to class.
Me: Oh, that sucks.
D: Yeah, I have a final tonight.
Me: Oh yeah? What class?
D: Ummmm. Spielberg and Lucas.
Me: Ah, yes, Spielberg and Lucas.
D: Yeah.
Me: Oh. So when's our next movie night?
D: I don't know, but soon. *ok, so this is definitely a good sign, right?*
Me: Yeah, I know, for reals.
D: But not tomorrow, I have class. *see? she really did mean soon*
Me: Ok, I'm open basically all week. Wednesday is reading day, and I don't open Thursday, so maaaybeeeeee...
D: Ya know, we were apparently supposed to call Becca and watch Ace Ventura with her.
Me: Fuck Becca. I already told her...*I realize that what I told her is that I can't get my groove thang on with her there*...Ah fuck it, I'm just like lick my balls, Becca
D: Hahaha, that's right.
Me: ...
D: You smell pretty.
Me: I smell pretty?
D: Well, like, "guy pretty."
Me: I see. Yeah, I went for a run, then I took a shower *right about now, I realize that what I'm about to say doesn't make any sense* but then I wasn't sure if that was enough, so I hit some cologne. It's a different one than the one that I've been wearing lately. That's probably why you noticed.
D: Yeah, it's sort of...spicy...
Me: Well, that works. I'm pretty spicy. Actually, I'm more saucy than spicy.
D: Saucy.
Me: Saucy.
Us at the same time: Saucyyyyy. Hahahaha.
Me: Well, I guess that I'll let you go to your final. Good luck.
...We hug...I think that she launches herself into me with a little bit more awkwardness than she was expecting...Her face sort of hits my ear with decent force...This is okay though, because we have an inside joke about her warm eye heating up my cold ear...I dispel any semblance of awkwardness:...
Me: Ah, my cold cold ear.
D: >teehee<
Me: Ok, goodnight, call me later this week.
D: Okay, 'night!

Yeah, so I think that there is definitely something there. All girls know the ol' "compliment his cologne" trick right? Or, at the very least, we've all heard that in a movie at some point or another, and Duffy does nothing BUT watch movies, so she definitely has heard it. I think I'm in pretty solid at this point, no? We'll see.

Oh, after I got home, I updated the blog that I share joint custody of with Louis:
gubom.blogspot.com check it out.

Always Love By Nada Surf

This one goes out to my girl, Ashlee:



To make a mountain of your life
Is just a choice
But I never learned enough
To listen to the voice that told me..
Always love… Hate will get you everytime
Always love… Don’t wait till the finish line

Slow demands come 'round
Squeeze the air and keep the rest out
It helps to write it down
Even when you then cross it out

But Always Love… Hate will get you every time
Always Love… Even when you want to fight

Self-directed lies
I want to know what it’d be like to
Aim so high above
any card that you've been dealt you...

Always Love… Hate will get you every time
Always Love… Hate will get you

I've been held back by something
Yeah. You said to me quietly on the stairs,
I've been held back by something
Yeah. You said to me quietly on the stairs.
You said…
Hey, you good ones.
Hey, you good ones.

To make a mountain of your life
Is just a choice
But I never learned enough
To listen to the voice that told me
Always love…hate will get you everytime
Always love…hate will get you…

I've been held back by something
Yeah, You said to me quietly on the stairs,
I've been held back by something
Yeah, You said to me quietly on the stairs
You said..
Hey, you good ones
Hey, you good ones
Hey, you good ones
I…



As do you, so do I. It is hard, maybe impossible. I have found that religion is inconsequential. God doesn't matter. These things are only words. If God is anything, it is a conceptualization; a cosmic embodiment of love. There is no hate but what we have created for ourselves, and all illness and sadness is borne of it. I used to feel alone in a cold universe, until I realized that love connected me with every aspect of that universe, and, in effect, with God itself. If I find myself asking "Does God exist?" I find that the question becomes "Do I exist?"