Danette

Danette was Korey's friend. Korey owned the house at which my then band practiced (her parents/neighbors were pretty understanding). Korey was friends with AJ and Vic who were the guitarist and singer, respectively, in this band (The Virgin Yard, by the way). So anyways, this was during my freshman year of college during the portion of time that I Julee and I were broken up. Danette was very charming, and still rather young; she was naive, but not stupid. I liked that she hoped for the best from people, but already knew that most guys were generally shit, and would treat her poorly. She was busty and cute, though like with many of the girls that I call "cute," I was apparently the only guy who thought so. High school and college aged people generally have very underdeveloped appreciation for beauty, especially that which is steeped in nuance. Danette was this type: full of promise and defined by her subtlety.

We sort of flirted a little while the band played, and we would continue said flirting during band breaks. Eventually, Korey told me that I should ask Danette to her prom (reminder: at this point, I'm a freshman in college, Danette is a Junior at my old high school, where Julee is a senior). I instead take Danette out a few times. I don't really remember exactly all of what we did, but I know that we drove quite a bit. I loved driving at the time, and I would take her to places that she hadn't seen before, or places that were really dark, which is always exciting. I remember driving through a neighborhood full of gardens. We had the windows down so that we could smell the sweet aromas drift lazily through the desert development. I saw a large stand of bougainvillea that stood out among the low lying daisies and roses. I stopped my truck abruptly, jumped out and broke off a decent sized little branch covered with lush purple petals and got back into the truck, where I presented it to Danette. This was, obviously, the sweetest thing ever. A few of the petals fell off in my truck, where they stayed until my father unwittingly threw them away one day weeks later.

One day Danette for some reason or another had driven to the townhouse which I lived in with Louis. Frankly, I don't really remember why, but it ended up with us at my back gate in front of her car. I was holding her by the waist, and she had her hands around my shoulders. I leaned in and kissed her. She kissed back. I did it once more, same thing. Then I attempted the third, and probably more involved (read: open mouthed) kiss, and she backed off. I let her go sort of gracefully, and with the least amount of embarrassment or awkwardness possible. We said goodnight, and she left.

After that, we sort of cooled off. I still don't entirely understand why, honestly. She says that I backed off after that, and that she assumed it was because of the kissing thing. I said that SHE backed off, and I assumed that it was because I was either a terrible kisser, or I was somehow moving too quick for her. Didn't matter really, we still remained friends, and I still planned on going to the prom with her (oh yeah, I had asked her at some point between the dates).

Before I asked her, I checked with Julee. I didn't want to cause any trouble, and I figured that the best way to do that would be to ask Julee if she was okay with me going to her prom with Danette. Julee told me that she didn't care, so I went ahead and asked Danette.

Danette, Korey, AJ, and myself went all together in my dad's 72 Caprice. I remember that I let my then hair stylist (Hope) do my eyebrows. She did a terrible job, and I looked ridiculous, but I'm over it now.

Once at the actual prom, it became pretty clear to everyone that Julee was really NOT alright with me being there. This coupled with the fact that Julee wore the exact same dress as Julia (she gets a tag, now). So after talking a little bit, a massively offensive date swap was worked out, and I swapped dates with Josh who had come with Julee. He agreed to take care of Danette, who didn't seem too offended to be swapping. Now, this was in my earlier days, before I could really read people all that well, so don't blame me for my idiocy. Of course Julee wasn't okay with me going to her senior prom, even if she said that she was okay with it. Of course Danette wouldn't be okay with me dumping her at prom to go back with my ex girlfriend, and then pawning her off to the guy that said ex had come with.

I honestly feel pretty bad about the whole thing now. I wonder though if Julee and I would have gotten back together if it weren't for that prom. At the same time though, would Danette and I have persevered if I hadn't gone? Maybe. Weird.

Danette is one of those girls that I sort of wish I had a second shot with. I still think that she is gorgeous, and she was so nice that I think I would have really liked a better chance to get to know her. I guess that timing just doomed us. I think that she is in a pretty serious relationship with some guy that she met in college. Too bad. She falls in with Marissa and a few others on my "Would like a second/better shot."

"Because no battle is ever won he said. They are not even fought. The field only reveals to man his own folly and despair, and victory is an illusion of philosophers and fools."

William Faulkner - The Sound and the Fury

Bedrock

Is it better to have a relationship based on mutual reflection and examination of each other's pasts, or on hopeful anticipation of your combined futures? Or is it better to focus on the precise present; to have no recollection nor foresight?

Commitment

Can you really commit to more than one thing? As I was thinking more about previous weights and shapes lifted and carried, it occurred to me that it's about not much more than commitment. When I was at my strongest, it was because I was totally committed to being strong. When I was at my leanest, it was because I was totally committed to beinglean. Now that I am doing better in school than I ever have before, it is because I am foremost concerned with my school performance, above other things. Is this how it has to be? Can I only be successful in one thing at a time? Or is this only a consequence of a strained schedule? If that is true, it is not comforting, as I have another 5-10 years of fairly intensive schooling and such.

There are many things that i'd like to be associated with; a successful student, a long distance runner, an effective powerlifter, a size 32 waist, for example. I don't like the idea of any of these things defining me, though. I do not want to be A long distance runner any more than I want to be A successful student. I want them both. I want to be defined by the tremendous breadth of my talents, and the degree to which I have mastered them, but it seems increasingly hard. To be a successful student, I need to devote a large portion of my time to studying and homework, which cuts back on available time for running and working out. To be a successful powerlifter or bodybuilder, I need to spend a large portion of my time cooking and eating and resting. To be whatever else, I need time to do whatever. It comes down to time, I guess. Time management? I don't know. I don't think that I want to live on a schedule again. It worked well for me at the time, but I also had a steady girlfriend, so I didn't need to really have any time for generic socializing. I sort of just scheduled her in when we both had a block open. This worked, but only because we both were sort of strained for time, and it was the only time that we were both available anyways.

Do I live on a grid? Do I want to? It's harder now, since my work schedule changes a bit every week, and it is going to change drastically into this Holiday season. So do I use that excuse to spend the rest of this semester retaining time and focus on school, and start a new focus during December? Who knows? I think that I'm going to open Excel now.

"There are only two options regarding commitment. You're either in or out. There's no such thing as a life in-between."
-Pat Riley